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    My husband and I have been TTC for a year now .There is some some sort of fear or tension in me which is preventing this. I used to be terrified to even insert my fingers.I purchased dilators after researching online.
    I am up to fourth dilator now..I was able to use the first 2 sizes with extreme ease and no lube needed. I was frightened to use the 3rd size but by surprise, it also was easy to insert with lubrication. I waited to use the 4th size (biggest one) because it just looked too big and it was terrifying. The 1st time I tried to use the 4th size, I just could not insert it. But then one day I took a deep breath and relaxed and I was able to insert it with lubrication!
    Any other suggestions apart from dilators that could help please let me know…

    Dr. Pacik

    Hi Enthu
    Thank you for your post, it is important. I have found that a common reason to fail advancing with the dilators is not following a system of dilating long enough and progressively increasing the size of the dilators with time. I would suggest you and the other women on the Forum read my article on dilating recommendations
    Please give us a follow up.


    Hi enthu! Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. That is absolutely awesome that you are able to use the dilators and have made excellent progress with them. Which ones are you currently using (Pure Romance, Glass ones, other set)? I tried for such a long time to use vaginal dilators (hard white plastic ones) but never had success and the size also was intimidating. After my procedure with Dr. Pacik, I solely used the Pure Romance dilators. They are silicone and all different colors and, very importantly for me, they all have handles which made insertion, removal, and reinsertion so much more doable. I also found that the lubricant remained on the silicone dilators for a long amount of time and I liberally used it (surgilube/lidocaine combo in the beginning). Later on, I’ve used the Pacik glass dilators and loved these ones due to their shorter length. If you want to ask me any questions about the different type of dilators or anything related to dilating, please, please do.

    As far as other ideas in addition to dilating, Dr. Pacik and others on the Forum have suggested doing Kegels as well as using a vibrator:

    Dr. Pacik writes: “Most women with vaginismus have spasm involving the entry muscle. The higher muscles may be tight but usually not in spasm. Therefore once one gets past the entry muscle, about one inch (2.5cm), the dilator practically “falls in” and the rest of the dilation process becomes easy. It is also helpful to do a series of Kegels, with complete relaxation of the pelvis on the 5th Kegel, and then insert. Also the use of a vibrator has been shown to help relaxation when dilating. Always use lots of lube.”

    Regarding Kegels, another Forum member writes: “[Kegels] were recommended to me as part of my therapy for (secondary) vaginismus. My psychosexual therapist advised I do them several times a day before starting dilator treatment. Although I don’t do them so much now during the day, they’ve actually helped me a fair bit with dilating and with attempting penetrative sex – contracting and releasing the muscles can help during the process of penetration. I think I was initially advised them as part of my treatment because it allowed me to regain a feeling of ‘control’.”

    Regarding using a vibrator, Dr. Pacik has written: “The Lelo Liv is a very appropriate vibrating dilator for our vaginismus patients. We highly recommend the Lelo Liv because this vibrating dilator allows the vaginal muscles to be stretched while reducing stress and promoting relaxation. To use the Lelo Liv, make sure it is very lubricated, turn the vibrator down to the lowest setting and insert it slowly. Move the vibrator in and out being aware of which sensations you enjoy the most. Many of our vaginismus patients do well combining vibrators with dilation before transitioning to intercourse.”

    In addition to the other ideas of Kegels and vibrators, there is the idea of using a replica kit of your husband. http://www.vaginismusmd.com/support/vaginismus-md-forum/?mingleforumaction=viewtopic&t=442

    Finally, I wanted to share with you some tips on transitioning from using dilators to intercourse:

    Story 1: “I found that the most important thing for me in the beginning was using the largest (blue) dilator for 2 hours prior to attempting intercourse. Then, he would take it out and slip right in where it once was. And, he is a lot more comfortable than the dilator is.”
    Story 2 “Dr. Pacik, My homework/experiment on Saturday evening was a complete success!!! I dilated with pink for 1 hour and then big blue for 1 hour and 15 minutes. When I took big blue out I had my husband slide his erect penis in immediately as you suggested and there was no resistance at all!! I just felt some mild burning but it wasn’t unbearable and certainly nothing like any of our previous attempts! He was able to insert his entire penis within seconds. We held off on any thrusting as you suggested. WOW is all I can think of to say!!!!”
    Story 3: “I had dilated an hour with purple and an hour with pink … we then made sure we had a lot of lubricant, in the beginning this seemed to be very important for me it just makes it easier. We tried for me to sit down on him so I had complete control of the situation however this way didn’t work for me, I was able to tense my legs up so much by having to hold up that it made it impossible. We didn’t give up we just tried a different way. He then got on top of me, this way worked so much better for us. We didn’t do thrust, he just went in and out. He was able to get over halfway in, I was not able to do it long enough for him to finish the first time, bc I became a little sore. But we were very happy with the progress and refused to give up. A few days later we attempted again. This time he was able to go all the way in and we were able to last until he finished. This is something we have wished for years. It was still mechanical and we didn’t try different positions. The next night we tried again. This time we started with him on-top and added a little thrusting and then we were able to switch positions with no problem with reinsertion. It was such an amazing thing for me to go through. We did reapply lubricant each time we switched place just so it didn’t get dry and hurt.”

    I hope this helps and am here for you 100%. Sending you big hugs today!

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