First Intercourse

[Jackie Giannelli, FNP-BC]

Good morning! I’d just like to quickly revisit this topic. For the partners of women who are working so hard to achieve success with dilation – do not be discouraged if you have difficulty with erection the first time you attempt intercourse. It is SUPER common for men to lose their erections, especially if they are worried about their partner being in pain. Intercourse can also be super “mechanical” the first time, and likes most things takes some practice to get it right. If your male partner is having difficulty maintaining erection he should reach out to a urologist, sexual health provider or even primary care provider for help. Most of the time, a Cialis or Viagra is all the boost he will need!

[recessivegenequeen]

Thanks for posting this Jackie! My partner at the time and I definitely had this issue at first, but giving him time and patience the same way he had for me ended up being the fix in the end! Getting more comfortable with it through practice made it easier for both of us.

[Moshe42]

Hi Jackie, thanks for sharing.

My wife has vaginismus and after a lot of practice, we are finally able to have intercourse. This is a huge step forward for us. But, as you say it feels vary “mechanical” and neither I nor my wife enjoys the penetration.

Besides patience, I wonder if you have any specific tips on how to make it more enjoyable?
Dose specific posture will help? more lubricant? longer foreplay?

At this point, it’s too painful for my wife if both of us move during the penetration. So, when we are in bed one of us will move while the other lie still. I suspect part of the “mechanical filling” is due to this fact. What do you think? If this is the case Is there anything we can do to solve it?

I will be grateful for any tips 🙂

PS this is my first post in this forum. I’m grateful I found this place. It’s feel good to have someone to consult with. This was a long and lonely journey so far.

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi Moshe42 – I used to have vaginismus and can say from experience that the mechanical feeling of sex is thankfully temporary. After a couple months of it I got used to it and started to really enjoy it (maybe even sooner than that, but probably by the 2 month mark things felt very normal). A lot of the same rules apply as when dilating: lots of lube, go slow, make sure your partner feels in control in the ways she needs to be. I had a lot of success with the woman on top position because I could ease myself onto my partner’s penis and control the movements, so if you haven’t done much of that yet I’d recommend trying it. Although, as you seem to recognize already, patience is your #1 tool in this experience; take it one day at a time and you’ll get there, I promise.

[Jackie Giannelli, FNP-BC]

Hi Moshe42 – yes, I agree with recessivegenequeen. LOTS of lubrication, and find out what position makes her feel most in control. That will help her to relax into it, and those introital muscles will accommodate you much more easily if she feels at ease. Has she been doing dilation? The other thing I definitely recommend is dilation prior to intercourse. She should try to work up to the dilator size that is about 1/2 size larger than your erect penis. That way, the muscles will be stretched prior to intercourse, and she will have confidence that you will fit in easily without pain.

You are not alone – vaginismus IS a difficult journey, but your wife is SO lucky to have such a supportive and patient husband. We are always here to help!

[Moshe42]

Thanks for all the answers 🙂

Is there any specific posture that is comfortable for the women?
Besides missionary and women on top?

[Jackie Giannelli, FNP-BC]

You may want to try to have her lay at the end of the bed, and you standing. She can also put a pillow under hips to help change the angle, if that’s comfortable. Honestly, this is very much a trial and error process in the beginning. Having open communication about what feels good, and allowing her to take control are the keys to comfort. As you experiment more and more, you will find out what works best for you as a couple. Have fun with it:)