Finally booked my appointment

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  • #9020
    kelseroo
    Participant

    Hi Everyone, My name is Kelsi, I am 28 years old and I have finally worked up the nerve to post on here. I have been struggling with vaginismus since I first tried to use a tampon as a teenager and was unable to, although I didn’t know it was vaginismus until I got married and realized there was something really wrong with me! I got married 2 years ago this November, and my husband and I had waited to have sex until we were married. I remember my honeymoon was bittersweet. While we had a wonderful time sightseeing and eating at restaurants, the evenings were different. I remember trying and trying to have intercourse but there was so much pain and my whole body would shiver from the fear. I cried and cried every night during our honeymoon, which is not how I pictured my honeymoon going! My husband encouraged me to go to the gynecologist, and I ended up going to a couple different ones. Each time the exam was extremely painful, and I remember being in tears before the doctor would even touch me, and crying during the entire exam. Each time the doctor would say that my muscles were spasming, but none ever gave a diagnosis of “vaginismus.” They all told me to try using dilators and lots of lube.

    I did some research on the internet and found the vaginismus.com program. I bought the books and dilator set and then proceeded to try that program for over a year. That program did help me a little- I can now insert my finger with relatively no pain or fear. I can insert a very small tampon with just a little pain and no fear. But I have not had success with the dilators. I have been able to insert some of them, but not without extreme pain. I think the program has helped with my fear a little, but not the pain! I began to get so frustrated and feared that there was no hope for me. I got so depressed that I stopped attempting to dilate at all. I found that my libido was pretty much gone. My poor husband has been so supportive this entire time, but now I could see that he was really hurt that my desire has waned so much. We used to love to make out and even try touching each other or oral but now I have gotten to the point where I don’t even want to initiate anything because I know it will lead to the “want to try intercourse one more time?” discussion, which always ends in tears for me. I have felt horrible that my husband feels like I don’t want him physically anymore when I actually do!

    So this all leads to me finally finding Dr. Pacik’s site. I contacted him through the site, and was so surprised that he emailed me himself. He also called me on the phone and talked to me, before I was even a patient! This impressed my husband and I so much. I just knew I had to do this program- it seemed like the first ray of hope I’ve had in a long time. The problem for us was, the price of the procedure was just too much for us. I applied for Care-Credit, and was denied. I applied for the medical financing and was offered a loan, but not for the full amount and it came with a crazy high interest rate. I didn’t want to do that. So then my husband and I were at a loss of what to do. I got really depressed again and moped for a few months. Asking my parents for money was not an option- their financial situation isn’t that good right now, plus I had not told a soul about my condition besides my husband and a few doctors, and was terrified to tell anyone. My husband suggested that we talk to his mom about it. It took me several weeks to work up the nerve, but then we finally told her. I was so pleasantly surprised that she was very supportive, and offered to help us pay for the procedure. I couldn’t believe it! I was finally going to be able to fix this!

    I just called the office this morning, made my deposit, and booked my date. April 22nd. That is a ways away, but its the only time my husband and I can both take an entire week off work. So now we are planning our trip from San Diego CA to Manchester, NH, and I couldn’t be more excited! I can’t wait to get the procedure, make love to my husband, and move on with my life!

    #12004
    Becca
    Participant

    Hi Kelsi! I am also 28 years old suffering with this horrible condition too. Like you, my husband and I waited until we were married to have sex and sadly discovered we were unable to consumate our marriage. We have been married for 6 1/2 years struggling with this and I have tried numerous therapies, doctors, procedures, etc. only to fail every time. It is so discouraging! 🙁

    I have not worked on anything in regards to my vaginismus in over a year. I just got too depressed and frustrated that I was making no progress, it seemed like such a waste of our time and money for me to continue going to these appointments that weren’t helping – so I just quit. Two weeks ago I decided to google and see if any new treatments had become available that I haven’t heard of and I found this botox treatment. I, too, was amazed at the quick responses I got from the clinic and my husband and I were both so impressed that Dr. Pacik responded to me so quickly – and that he even posts in this forum! We are currently trying to come up with the money to have the treatment done, as well. Funny thing is when I have been looking at the calendar trying to figure when a good time would be for us to have it done, April 22nd was the exact date I was hoping to schedule mine for!! I hope it works out, maybe we can both have our procedures on the same day! 🙂

    #12007
    Leena
    Participant

    Kelsi, thanks so much for sharing your story. Each person who opens up and shares helps me feel better, because now I know I am not alone. I wish you all the best!

    #12008
    kelseroo
    Participant

    Becca, that would be awesome if we could both do our procedures on the same day! It would be great to meet you:-) Thanks Leena!

    #12024
    mmHeather34
    Moderator

    Hi Kelsi. Huge CONGRATS on booking your appointment and I promise you the time will fly by. I am so sorry to read of your struggles with vaginismus and I am so incredibly happy that you have found Dr. Pacik and this Forum. Please know that we are all here to support you in your journey of overcoming. So much of what you describe is exactly how I felt while having vaginismus. First, concerning the ob/gyn exams, it is so unfair that doctors could identify the spasm of the muscles, but did not say that it was the diagnosis of vaginismus. So much more needs to be done in terms of advocacy and teaching doctors about the condition of vaginismus so they will tell future women that the condition has a name and it is also highly treatable. Dr. Pacik just returned from a conference in Las Vegas in which he presented to 1200 doctors concerning every aspect of vaginismus. So many of them had never even heard of it and left the conference with this knowledge.

    Second, concerning the vag.com kit, I too ordered this when I first self-diagnosed myself with vaginismus. I completed the workbook fully but was never able to progress with finger insertion or any of the dilators. Like you describe, I feel like it helped a little bit to decrease anxiety, but despite this, I could never move past the excruciating pain and feeling like I was hitting a wall whenever I tried inserting anything as well as my husband feeling like he was hitting a wall every time we attempted intercourse. This is one of the huge aspects that makes Dr. Pacik’s program work so well when so many others have failed. The hitting a wall and excruciating pain feeling dissipates right after waking up from the procedure with the largest dilator in place. This aspect was one of the things that surprised me probably most about the treatment. I remember waking up with the dilator in place; removing the dilator to go to the bathroom; and then re-inserting it right back up in the standing position with no pain and no wall. Third, your husband sounds wonderful and so supportive. While going through 11-years of our relationship with vaginismus, my husband and I both experienced so many emotions (i.e. rejection, depression, etc.). Before going through this treatment program, I viewed this condition as my problem to fix and did not want to burden my husband with it. It truly wasn’t until talking to Dr. Pacik, Ellen, and the staff pre-procedure, in the counseling, and post-procedure that I began to look at this as our problem and a journey that we were going on together as husband and wife. After doing this, we both became so much closer and it helped so much to have his support every step of the way, two against the world as he always would say and hug me tight whenever I wanted to quit. Dr. Pacik involves the husband very much in the treatment program and speaks to him by himself as well, treating the entire couple.

    Finally, concerning paying for the procedure, I am so, so happy that this has come to fruition for you and it is so wonderful. You are incredibly courageous and so brave to be able to speak to your mother-in-law about this and her support is beyond wonderful. I was so shy prior to my own procedure and did not tell a soul until 4 months after in October. Looking back, I do wish I would’ve told my family and closest friends. For anyone reading this who may be in the same predicament of wondering if they should share their vaginismus with their family, how did you and your husband bring it up to his mom? I really, really like Janet’s idea and post earlier in the week about sharing a copy of Dr. Pacik’s book with family and suggesting for them to read and say this describes me. I also like the link shared with the letter to family members about vaginismus. It’s such a sensitive subject to share and I was unable to prior to my procedure. I commend you whole-heartedly for having the courage and the strength to do this and think it is so wonderful. While having vaginismus in my 20s, I did not know about Dr. Pacik’s procedure. I tried the vag.com kit described to no avail and so many other treatments. I then saw a treatment listed in NY that would cost us over $10,000 and this did not include hotel for the 2-week program. At the time, my husband and I saw this as our only option and we both worked so many jobs trying to save for this. It never happened and we both were so very depressed about it and it was so hard on our relationship as we were working all of the time. During this time, however, I belonged to a yahoo forum about vaginismus. I posted once as this was required for membership but never posted again and, instead, was a lurker. As a lurker, I read each one of the other member’s posts and this led me to reading a post about Dr. Pacik and an FDA study that he was conducting on vaginismus. I remember the night I showed my husband the post and we both felt hope that we hadn’t felt in years. Now, being cured from vaginismus, I want to help others to find this hope and to truly find a means of paying for this procedure. I’m continuing to stay current on the new DSM-V diagnosis of vaginismus, genito-pelvic pain/penetration disorder, as this could mean a significant improvement in insurance coverage for this treatment. Diane Tremblay is working with patients to get so much more insurance coverage for this procedure and has been extremely successful. I’d love to collectively work with the group to also brainstorm other means of paying for this procedure (i.e. fundraising ideas, non-profit, etc.).

    Now, that I have written a book Kelsi, I will sign off for now but want to say again how happy I am that you have found Dr. Pacik and this Forum and I share your excitement for your upcoming procedure!!!! Sending you huge hugs!!!!

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