So much energy and frustration is given to not being able to have intercourse with vaginismus, that many forget that sex is not just intercourse. While being treated for vaginismus and wanting to be able to have intercourse is a very important part of sexuality, there is more to sex than intercourse. Often, when I ask vaginismus patients if they are having non-intercourse sex, they say “what is the point?”
Well the point is to explore your sexuality and enjoy learning about what feels good to you. This can be with a partner or without one. So many women stop being sexual or exploring what feels good once they “fail” at having intercourse. But the truth is that intercourse is but one part of sex, and there is plenty more pleasure to be explored.
Agreed! Especially because having a healthy foundation to your sexual self-knowledge (either with a partner or by yourself) makes getting to good sex after treatment happen even faster! Knowing how to identify what feels good to you will help you as you begin to explore intercourse. And learning to talk about how sex makes you feel with a partner can help work through the feelings of vaginismus.