Daily Question (2/6/12) – How to move from mechanical to phenomenal?

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  • #8425
    mmHeather34
    Moderator

    Hi ladies. When my hubby and I could finally make love (thanks to Dr. P and this amazing procedure), we were just so ecstatic to have it work in the beginning. Then, for a good amount of time, it seemed very mechanical and a little awkward. It didn’t hurt at all (which was the best part for me) but we had to slowly transition from this mechanical phase to better to good to phenomenal. It honestly took a lot of practice and good communication on both of our parts. We had to discover what we both really enjoyed and work together at it. Now, it’s so much fun and something we really look forward to. For the veterans out there, what advice do you have for ladies who have just made the transition to intercourse? How did you go from this mechanical phase to the next one?

    #9660
    evillemure
    Participant

    As a pelvic floor physical therapist, I am looking forward to hearing responses to this one. I have a few patients with dyspareunia and they are working diligently with their dilators. They have not taken the Botox route, but I have mentioned that to each one as a possible treatment. I recently had a patient come in discouraged b/c she was doing so well with her dilators and was able to insert them without pain. She then thought she would go the next step and try intercourse. Well, she described it as being so frustrating and painful. She hated hearing her boyfriend telling her to “relax”. I suggested perhaps the next step would be to have him use the dilators with her and not think about penile penetration. She found this helpful. She wasn’t ready for him to insert the dilator, so she inserted it and allowed him to work it back and forth and stretch the tight tissue. We discussed the next step could be that he would actually do the dilator insertion. I look forward to other responses on this.

    #9662
    Lou
    Participant

    We’ve managed to transition to intercourse but it does feel mechanical so I’d be really interested to hear your advice. I’ve just bought the book “loving sex” by Dr Laura berman and I’m hoping it wil give us ideas for positions etc. Is there anything else? I feel kind of naive about it all and feel like I’ve got a lot of years to catch up on!

    #9668
    Dr. Pacik
    Participant

    We had a long discussion about this during the past two days of counseling. Transitioning from dilators to intercourse is no different than the love we show each other. It can start with kissing, having erotic feelings, massage and the connection that comes naturally between two people in love. None of this should ever feel mechanical. Try loving in the shower, bathtub, hot tub. Try it on the living room couch (with the TV and cell phones turned off!) Think candles, favorite scent, favorite music, soft lighting, erotic massage. Dress up in your favorite nightie, something shear and see through. Visit a sex shop with your honey to get more ideas and toys. How about watching porn together, erotic films, erotic books, erotic poetry that you could read to each other. Think and talk about fantasy. When the time comes remember to dilate and use this as a toy. Dilate for one to two hours before first time intercourse, and use a vibrator together with the dilator. None of this needs to be mechanical. Let your imagination run wild. Guys: do the dishes! This is a big turn on to your honey. Then do what comes natural.

    OK ladies, fill in all the rest that I missed!

    #9675
    mmHeather34
    Moderator

    These are all excellent suggestions Dr. P. Ladies, what else did you do in the beginning, immediately after you could have intercourse, to really enhance your experience?

    @Erika, you wrote “we discussed the next step could be that he would actually do the dilator insertion.” This is an excellent suggestion Erika. Immediately after the procedure and while in recovery, I remember Andrea (amazing recovery room nurse) asking me to insert and re-insert the dilators. I was initially very shy with doing this in front of my husband. She very nicely explained that vaginismus truly was a condition that we needed to overcome together and stressed the importance of having him be a part of the dilation. I listened to her and allowed him to stay. This was huge for him as he could watch me inserting and re-inserting the dilator and realized that it didn’t cause pain. We later progressed to me inserting the dilators with his hand over mine. Again, this helped me to build up my trust and helped him to realize that even the largest dilators caused no pain whatsoever. Finally, after we were comfortable with dilator insertion with his hand over mine, I inserted the dilators and then allowed him to take them out and re-insert several times and different sized ones. Again, this further helped to build trust and for both of us to realize that it didn’t cause pain. Finally, when we transitioned to intercourse, I allowed him to insert the largest blue dilator for a while prior and take it out and re-insert it. Then, he simply took it out and inserted himself immediately after. This caused absolutely zero pain and we have just continued to move forward since and now enjoy an amazing sex life. I hope this helps.

    #9756
    Diana
    Participant

    Nick and I try watching movies with some sex content while I dilate. Usually, by the time the movie is over, I have been dilating for a couple of hours already and we can transition to intercourse with great ease! We are looking forward to the day we don’t have to dilate prior to intercourse anymore but so far, so great!

    #9823
    Dr. Pacik
    Participant

    We are encouraging greater use of vibrators during our counseling sessions. Not only are they helpful for dilation, they are also helpful when transitioning to intercourse. Clitoral vibrators help a woman relax through the dilation process. They also help with transition to intercourse. A vibrating dildo would be the next step, in that it is the size of the pink#5 dilator and vibrates. These are available now through our office. If you are interested ask about the “Candy Stick”.

    #9830
    mmHeather34
    Moderator

    Hi ladies and Dr. P. The “Candy Stick” – vibrating dildo sounds great and I love the name! There have been some posts lately about achieving orgasms as well as various relaxation methods used to get ready for intercourse. I bet this could really help with both!!!

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