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    Hi all

    I have a very daft queation but i really have nowhere to ask this, esp any vaginismus sufferer.

    When having intercourse for the first time
    Is it a must for hubby to insert reinsert himself or is suffice to insert once?

    Daft i know but basically i just dont know if could tolerate the in and out or rather up down motion even though im hopeful that i may be able to master the in once movement.?

    Sorry i feel really embarrassed askng this question but i dont know if i would be able to tolerate the in out….



    Not a daft question at all! The first time, it’s fine even to go for tip only, rather than full insertion. No need to do any movement. Once he’s got the tip only in or all the way in, just stay like that for a while just like with a dilator, except it’s him 🙂

    Over time, as your confidence grows, you can try movement, but it doesn’t have to be the first, second, or even third time. Just remember that it’s all still progress and remind yourself of how far you’ve come already. We’ve gotta learn to crawl before we can walk, and then to walk before we can run.


    Also, to get used to the in-out movement, you can move the dilators in and out. You’ll feel more in control with the dilators, and can use them to test the waters, so to speak. Once you’re comfortable with that movement using the dilators then introduce it when with your hubby. But he’s gotta understand that if you need him to stop, he needs to stop, no matter what. Remember that it’s all still progress and you’ll get there eventually.


    Thanks vashalla

    Need to try what u said with dilators



    Hi Sarah. No question is a Daft question. Please know we are all here for you and keep em coming. The more that we all discuss all aspects of this, the more everyone learns and benefits. I guarantee that although others may not post or ask this very question, they probably have had it. Great post! I also completely agree with Vashalla. The first time that my hubby and I had intercourse, he simply removed the largest blue dilator and inserted himself and left it in (like a dilator). Thereafter, we progressed to movement and thrusting. What helped me the most was to practice inserting, removing, and reinserting the dilators of all sizes with Tim and at various speeds as to imitate the thrusting. It worked well for us and also made me trust him that much more. I just know you are going to have complete success and can’t wait to read more of your posts!!! :):):)


    Hi Sara, please know that on this Forum any question you have is a good one as there are so many others of us who share the same thoughts but may not be comfortable in posting. I too totally agree with Vashalla and Heather. Before I transitioned to intercourse I also practiced inserting the dilators and slowly moving them in and out. Once I was comfortable with that I let my husband do it (which is still a challenge for me today as I have trust issues). This was an important part of transitioning to intercourse for me. Take baby steps and try not to put the pressure on yourself to rush in this process. I know how hard that is though. Once you are comfortable with the moving in and out of the dilators than try inserting the tip of your husband. Again, take it slow. Communication with your husband is so important. Share with him your anxiety of the thrusting motion. You are doing so good, Sarah. Remember…baby steps and be patient with yourself and celebrate each one you take! Big hug.


    Thankyou everybody your kind words at a most difficult time help in overcoming the fear.

    I have just started to dilate this morning and i am yet to start the in out movement as suggested.

    I normally inseet the dilators in turn by turn and leave them for a short period of up to 20-30 depending on how comfortable it feels. is this the correct way to start dilation or should i be inserting and taking them out after evry 5 mins or so!?

    I can now walk without pain albeit looking a bit funny with th pink silicone and glass dilators.

    I am making progress all without botox at this stage but i need to keep focused and like you all said not be scared to post anything i dont fully understand.

    Once again thanku all for your wonderful words



    It’s better to leave them in for longer periods of time. When I started, I put the first one in for 1-2 hours and then put the next size up in for another 30 minutes to an hour.

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