Can't find a gyno that cares

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Home Forums Vaginismus Support Group Daily Questions About Vaginismus Can't find a gyno that cares

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    I have had some form of vaginismus all my life. I am 39 now. I first noticed this issue when I was 14 or so. Burning shooting pain around my vaginal opening. Any attempt to enter the vagina was met with pain. So I didn’t use tampons, have sex, use a vibrator, or see a gyno until I was 35. I figured I was broken and I didn’t have medical insurance anyway.

    When I was 35, I got insurance and I decided to try to have a romantic relationship as well so I went to the gyno. The exam was horrific. Painful, cold, and dehumanizing. I went back three times since for birth control but decided to stop. I waa throwing up with anxiety about going back every 6 months for bc pills because the exam was so painful and horrible. The speculum is horrible and why do we allow it to be used exactly? It’s inhumane. Men would never let that be used on them. Why do we accept it?

    I’m 39 now. Sex hurts every time. Tampons still don’t work, they pop out every time. My gyno said vaginismus is just psychological so I need to relax more. It was really upsetting. I was not anxious about exploring my body when I was 14 so I think its physical in nature. Relaxing isn’t going to help. I’ve been inebriated and was totally relaxed and it still hurt.

    How can I find a gyno that cares?

    I have a dilators set and have been using then but I don’t know if I’m making progress. I feel trapped.


    WhatIsNormal, I’m so sorry to hear about all you’ve been through. I suffered from vaginismus for about 10 years so I understand the pain and frustration and fear you’re going through. If you read many of the stories on this forum, you’ll see that a lot of women have had the same experience of seeing gynecologists and doctors early in life who dismissed our problems and didn’t sympathize with the pain we were feeling. It’s something that sucks a lot and prolongs our suffering, but it’s important to know that not all doctors are like this. I thought they were until I went to Maze the first time, where I was startled to discover a staff of people who took me seriously and never made me feel silly or small. These people exist out there. It’s absurd that we have to hunt for them amidst other less compassionate medical professionals, but they’re out there.

    In terms of finding a better gyno, I would start by recommending that you look up doctors online and see if they have any listed experience with sexual pain disorders or anything like that, as that might show that they are more sympathetic to the struggles of vaginismus.

    Feel free to ask us questions about dilating if you’re not sure it’s working – it’s a really difficult thing to figure out all on your own!


    I’m sorry you are having such a difficult time finding a gyno that cares. I promise they are out there. Call some offices and ask, research on the Internet, maybe you could even try posting in the forum the general area you are looking and see if anyone here can help?

    Good luck in your search.


    You can also try working with a physical therapist. If you are experiencing pelvic floor dysfunction/vaginismus, having an evaluation with a PT can be so helpful. They can also help you work with the dilators.

    They have more knowledge and experience about vaginismus than most gynecologists do, and it might be easier to find one in your area.

    Helen Leff, LCSW

    It’s so challenging when sex which is supposed to be pleasurable is painful. I agree with Melissa that finding a pelvic floor physical therapist can be very useful to you. Also there is a podcast called “Bodies” with an episode on painful sex which may give you some good information. Working with dilators is the treatment to overcoming vaginismus (even with the Botox procedure) and having someone to help guide you may be what you need. It’s hard to do on your own. Know that you are not alone.

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