Buying a dilator between sizes

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    Hey there,

    I’ve found i’ve become quite comfortable with dilator #3 but although I can insert dilator #4 it is very painful and I find it difficult to keep it in for long due to the pain and burning.

    My question is do you think it would be more beneficial to get a dilator between the size of 3 and 4 to practise with a but more first, or should I persevere with the pain as I can insert #4, just the pain is bad?

    As always, thank you, this forum makes me feel a lot less alone.
    Love, gem


    Hello gls1114! I think the answer to this question depends on the extent to which you’ve been working with dilator #3. If you’re still getting the hang of it, you may have just tried to move on a bit too quickly to the next largest size. But if you’re proficient at inserting and removing #3 several times and at wiggling it around while it’s inside you without too much discomfort and you’re still struggling with #4, you might want to see if you can locate an intermediate size. If you’re not already using lube with a numbing cream of some kind mixed in, that can help with larger/trickier sizes as well.

    Ultimately it’s better not to try to push through large amounts of pain just to dilate with a certain size – that kind of association between penetration and pain is what makes vaginismus hard in the first place! Be patient with yourself and celebrate gradual progress – it will serve you better in the long run.


    Hi gls1114,

    I agree with recessivegenequeen:

    (1) give it more time with your current size dilator until that one feels comfortable. Don’t forget to move it left, right, up, down, in, out to help get used to the feeling of it!
    (2) are you using enough lube with the larger size? Use LOTSSSS (I used coconut oil for lube). Numbing cream is also a good idea (I never used this but it probably would have helped…). Deep breathing and moving the dilator in veery slowly at first was also helpful for me.

    It’s great that you can get the larger size in but I don’t think large amounts of pain is good for you either. I’d say you should look for an intermediate size if possible (after trying the above steps)!

    Good luck and keep up the good work! You’re awesome! Keep us updated.

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