Aussie girl seeking advice

[Possum]

Hi,

I am from Australia and have suffered from vaginismus for I don’t know how long. I first noticed a problem ‘down there’ when I had a full on panic attack when trying to insert a tampon at age 16. I had no idea why at the time and forgot about it over the years. I’d been exposed to some trauma as a child, but It wasn’t until I got married two and a half years ago, on our honeymoon that I realized there was more of a problem than I thought.

I was only diagnosed officially in January this year, but shortly after moved to a very remote and rural town (the closest metropolitan town is 11 hours drive away) to teach with my husband. We have very limited medical resources here and after suffering depression as a result of our lack of consummation have been at my wits end to find a cure. I received 18 months counselling, prior to moving rural, which has been amazing for me emotionally and helped me deal with my causes for vaginismus, but it has done very little for me physically and no matter how much we try, it just won’t happen!

I found a clinic in Brisbane (about 5 hours flight away) that do botox for vaginismus, but they do not do dilation as they feel it is too ‘intrusive’. After reading Dr. P’s book and exploring the website, I think his procedure sounds exactly what I need, but was wondering if anyone had any advice about options in Australia, or just the botox treatment alone. Obviously coming from Australia, and being teachers in a remote community, it would be quite a challenge to come to the US, but if there is no answer for us in Australia we would definitely consider it.

Thanks for everyone putting up your encouraging stories. After feeling so alone and like the most abnormal wife in the world for so long, it has been a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

Thanks,
Possum.

[Allie]

Hi:)

I have not had treatment yet, I’m leaving in November for my treatment. Before making my decision I actually met with a doctor here(I live in Florida). I was considering her doing the Botox ,but like you said she would not do the dilation. I just felt uneasy about doing just the botox. As we know the Botox alone is not what will “cure” our
Vaginismus. It’s the Botox along with the dilation therapy that I believe and have read is a crucial part in helping women overcome vaginismus.

Coming from Australia I’m sure it’s way more complicated and expensive having to travel so far. You can always email Dr. Pacik or call up to office if you have questions. They are more than willing to help you and answer any questions!

Allie:)

[Possum]

Thanks. 🙂 I’ve been emailing Dr Pacik and he has been very helpful. My best friend is a pharmacist and she is going to do some research for me to see if there are any other options available in Australia and we’ll see where we go from there. But I am definitely more inclined for dilation than not, as that is the main problem!
I hope the time leading up to your treatment goes quickly! 🙂
Thanks,
Possum

[Heather34]

Hi Possum. Welcome to the forum and thank you for your post. I think it’s wonderful that we can all support each other all over the world and I am 100% here for you.

Allie had an excellent post and wrote:

“It’s the Botox along with the dilation therapy that I believe and have read is a crucial part in helping women overcome vaginismus.”

This aspect of the program was incredibly important for me and one of the true keys to my success in overcoming vaginismus. When I actually woke up with the largest dilator in place, it flipped a switch for me and, for the first time, I knew that something was inside of me pain-free and it worked. Thereafter, I practiced taking the dilators out and reinserting them and, again, was in awe and just so happy that it didn’t hurt. And, the more that I associated this insertion without causing pain, the more my anxiety surrounding this decreased to the point of zero.

Please feel free to ask any more questions and, again, know that we are all here for you.

[Possum]

Thanks! 🙂 what an amazing two weeks we have had. After doing extensive research and emailing Dr.P my husband I have decided to make the trip in December during our summer holidays. We thought it would then be important to be honest with our parents about what’s been going on for the last 2.5 years, since it would be very out of the ordinary to suddenly go to the US, and we didn’t want to be dishonest. They were amazingly supportive and understanding. So pending flight availability we are coming in December!!! It’s amazing, since finding out about this procedure two weeks ago, I am feeling so much better. I’d pretty much accepted that I would have this the rest of my life and that I’d never overcome this, but all that has changed. I feel like so much pressure is off as there is hope for a cure now. It’s taking a while for it to sink in for my husband as this has all been so difficult and painful for him too, but I think he is starting to realise that we will overcome this and finally share this gift we have waited so patiently for!

[arose]

That is so exciting, Possum! And I believe you have made the right decision. You are both about to go on an amazing adventure! I had the procude done early July, I have not yet transitioned to intercourse, but already the whole experience has been so good for our relationship, and it has been a lot of fun too (in a strange kind of way!). Well done for telling your parents – this is something we haven’t done yet despite hating keeping something so big from them for so long (we’ve known about this problem for over 5 years) – I applaud your bravery.

[Heather34]

Congratulations Possum on making this decision to have the procedure, and like arose said, I believe it’s the right decision. I know that it’s the only procedure that would’ve ever worked to cure my own vaginismus and it’s so wonderful that you found it. And, again, like arose mentioned, I, too, think it was so brave and courageous of you both to tell your parents. I personally found it impossible to tell anyone pre-procedure and have only told a few of my closest friends after being cured. It is just incredibly brave of you both to share this with your family and wonderful to have their support. I also appreciate what you wrote about your husband’s feelings regarding this as well in that vaginismus is difficult and painful for him but he, too, has hope in this cure and for you to be able to share this amazing gift together. I would encourage him to read and post as well in the Vaginismus for the Men section and know that he has strong support from the other partners/husbands.

Recently, one of the husbands wrote:
“I would like to write a little blurb for all the men that currently are trying to work thru such a difficult disorder. Firstly, my wife and I have been married for 1.5 years. We have been struggling with sexual intercourse since even before our marriage for a total of about 3 years. Initially it really made me question whether or not this was the woman for me. I know that’s terrible to say, but it is a decision that has to be made from a man’s perspective. Luckily, I’m dating one of the most incredible women in the world (in my eyes) that has the strength and will to overcome such a disorder. Therefore my decision was quick and basically a “no-brainier.” As time went on, with multiple unsuccessful treatments passing by left and right, emotions started to truly come out. We’ve had many nights of fighting, crying, and pouring our emotions out to each other. This is where it’s difficult for us guys. Assuming that most of you are like myself, I don’t do EMOTIONS very well. I didn’t enjoy sitting down to discuss our PROBLEMS and definitely didn’t want to start another fight about sex (or the
lack of). However fellas, let me tell you that this is where we are wrong. You need to do these things because if you have committed yourself to this woman (and you have if you answered the question earlier correctly) then we need to effectively communicate about the issue. Talking about these problems makes things better. Not only does it help with this issue, but it makes you a better listener and a stronger couple. Who knew that a little adversity (okay, a lot of adversity) could make you stronger as a couple. That’s exactly what happened with us. Even though I initially separated myself from the situation and wanted her to deal with this problem, I was able to overcome MY fear and become her individual support group. This is why we are here in Manchester doing this procedure. We have commited ourselves to beating this disorder and strengthening our relationship in the process. We are tired of trying things just to try them. Tired of going to specialists that referred us to other specialists. We found Dr. Pacik’s success stories online and had to inquire. We started talking with Dr. Pacik and his team in late-April. Here we are two short months later already post-op and in the recovery process. What excitement….I’m ecstatic to be here and want to add to the success stories that I’ve read about. I can’t wait and I know another person that can’t wait as well!!!”

Can’t wait to read more of your posts Possum and huge CONGRATULATIONS again to you both on making this important decision together!!!!!

[silverperl]

So happy for you, Possum! I think Dr. P’s whole process is key and it’s not just the botox. Plus the support he offers afterwards through email and phone calls is really important. You will have lots of questions before, during and after the procedure and you don’t want to get short changed by a doctor who just wants to do the botox and be done (not saying all doctors are like this but if they aren’t open to the dilation it makes me skeptical at what support/help they will offer after the botox.) I know you will not be sorry and I’m glad your family is supportive. All the support you can get is great! I can’t wait to read your success story!

[Allie]

Very happy for you Possum!!! 🙂

[Possum]

I am getting very excited now! I’ve travelled out of town this week for work (the next town from where I live is 1000km away!) and I’ll be getting quotes for flights!! It’s also coming to the end of winter here so I’ll be winter clothes shopping in prep for our visit. How cold does it get in NH in December? Where I live, its so far north in Australia that there is no need for a jumper all year round! After the procedure we’re hoping to holiday for a month or so around the east coast as a second honeymoon as you all can imagine what our first one was like! What an answer to prayer this has all been! Can you tell I’m excited??

[Lou84]

Hi Possum,

I’m also an Aussie going to see Dr Pacik for treatment (from Perth) and I completely understand and share your excitement! I was moving to Toronto in August anyway so have managed to book treatment in September. I lived in upstate New York a couple of years ago and it got very cold in December (especially by Australian standards!) so you’ll want to invest in a good insulated/puffy jacket, thermals and boots. Try one of the outdoors stores like Kathmandu or Anaconda (hopefully they have them in Queensland).

All the best for your treatment and good on you for making the trip! After 7 years of suffering I had also given up on ever having a normal relationship or family. It’s amazing what the power of hope can do! 🙂