Anxiety

[Allie]

I wasn’t going to post this because it scares me even writing about it. Thursday night(day 2 post-procedure and the night before we flew out) I starting feeling sick, shaking all over, my chest was very tight, I could not control my body or thoughts, I even told my husband to call 911. I thought something very bad was happening and I almost thought I was dying. My husband called his mom(she is a nurse) he described her my symptoms and came to the conclusion that I was having a panic attack. I even called Dr. Pacik(at midnight) just to be reassured that I was going to be ok. This lasted all through the night and all through Friday when we flew home. Thankfully I had Xanax and had to take it consistently until I got home. After a good nights rest and many prayers I am feeling a little more like myself today. I have never experienced a anxiety attack and I will say it is the scariest thing that I have ever been through. Our bodies and minds go through so much dealing with vaginismus, plus the lack of sleep I have had and I think my body and mind just had enough and that is why it happened. I felt I had no control over it. Has anybody else experienced this? I pray to God that it never happens again.

On a good note, today is 4 days post procedure. I slept with #4 in last night. Progressed to #5 for a hour and currently wearing #6. I am NOT going to let this anxiety beat me.

[Nakitalab]

Allie, I’m so sorry that you went through that. How scary. I’m so encouraged how you have perservered and have continued dilating! You rock! I am noticing alot more anxiety now that I am at home. So many responsibilities to attend to. Like you told me earlier this morning, I need to make myself a priority. I slept with #4 last night and just started in on a one hour session of dilating. You are doing so good, Allie. I will keep you in my prayers that those panic attacks will stay away! Sending you a big hug!

[Allie]

Had another anxiety attack last night. Most scary thing I have been through in my entire life. Going to meet with my dr tomorrow to get on some meds to help get me over this hump. I am so mad. I am still doing well with my dilators,why do I have to deal with this anxiety?

[Heather34]

Hi Allie. I’m so, so sorry that you are experiencing this. I just returned from taking my mother-in-law to church this morning and said a special prayer for you that this will subside. I know that this is difficult right now, but I want you to know that we are all here for you and praying for you. I also want to say how proud I am of you for everything that you have accomplished with the dilators in such a short amount of time. This is so wonderful. I remember in the days immediately following my procedure, my husband and I had to keep pinching ourselves to really believe that dilation was now possible. Prior to having the procedure, I wasn’t even able to insert a q-tip without the whole fear/anxiety/pain response and immediately following the procedure, I was inserting the dilators. The whole thing felt surreal and we then just kept moving forward day by day. It was incredibly important for me, personally, to involve my husband and it felt like we were a team in this. If I had a good day, we would celebrate our small successes together. If I had a bad day (i.e. lingering discomfort or anxiety), he would just be incredibly supportive and really there for me which helped tremendously. I’m here for you always and sending you my thoughts and prayers.

[Allie]

Thank you so much Heather. Praying for a better night tonight.

[Possum]

I’m sorry you are having to go through the anxiety attacks, I will be praying for you Allie. You will get through this. You’ve come so far already and should be so proud of yourself. 🙂

[Allie]

Thank u so much Possum.

[Dr. Pacik]

I know others have gone through anxiety post procedure and this is why we work out methods to handle this during the counseling. I often quote that patients need to catch up mentally to where they are physically, and this includes overcoming residual or new anxiety. One the one hand Allie you are dilating like a champ, on the other this is presumably the first major panic attack for you. I will be interested to hear what your doctor has to say tomorrow.
There are many ways to handle anxiety, such as a glass of wine, listening to your favorite music, etc. For a panic reaction it is not that easy.
One way of trying to establish ongoing control is the technique of “anchoring” which was described years ago in the literature of Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) programming http://www.trans4mind.com/personal_development/mindMastery/anchoring.htm
The place of peace could be as simple as the joy of smelling freshly baked brownies or tasting them. The smell or taste image is brought up each time when encountering an anxiety provoking situation, this becomes the anchor. More can be read in the extensive literature and books on NLP. Just do a search for books Neurolinguistic programming. One of the early books was “Frogs into Princes” by Bandler and Grinder available on Amazon.com.

[rachel]

Hi Allie,
I experienced similar to you pre and post procedure. I experienced a lot of panic attacks in my early twenties which seem to arrive out of no where! I used to think that I was dying they were so bad. My heart would pound, I could not get my breath and my emotions would run away with me. I would beg God not to let me die…I truly thought I was going to die. I expeienced them for a number of years and now I rarely get them. I learned to understand what they were and their signs and symptoms and I began to talk back to the negative thoughts that would run away with me in my head. Going for the botox treatment for me was a big issue for me…not only because I needed to overcome vaginismus…but because I had the problem of a phobia about medications. I used to avoid taking any type of medication as I was sooo convinced that I would get a severe allergic reaction and die…I know..sounds silly hey! However, this was very real to me, and I was so convinced in my head that even when I attempted to take a contraceptive pill I would have massive panic attacks to the point that I would become hysterical…my poor husband did not know what to do with me…I was an utter wreck.

When I realized that the treatment that I required to overcome Vaginismus entailed putting botox into my body all I could do was cry with fear. I knew that I needed the treatment and that my life truly was not worth living without a cure, but I was petrified that I was going to be the woman that died on Dr Pacik’s table! The night before I was a wreck and my husband once again talked me down from the rafters. Following the procedure was even more of a battle. I had already read all of the possible side effects of botox, and it was a constant battle for me to ignore the negative thoughts in my head..I started to get a cold post procedure and that was it…I was dying…I was going to have a reaction. After talking with Dr Pacik he reassured me and I continued to deal with the constant battle in my head. I am sharing this with you as I want you to know that what you have been through is a wonderful but stressful experience and the panic attacks can be controlled . I chose not to opt for medication and I chose to look at talking back to the negative thoughts in my head and distraction techniques and it really worked. Since I have been cured of the vaginismus I have found that my panic attacks have decreased and I have not had an attack in over year. The difference is that I now know what is happening to me and I am able to let it pass. Whenever I felt a palpitation it would send me into a frenzy…now my heart skips a beat now and then and it doesn’t even bother me. Learning your symptoms and having disration plans in place and talking back to your thoughts is something that worked for me. I now work in a busy and very stressful emergency department and am dealing with life and death every day. It took a lot of practice but now I am able to control my panic attacks and I feel stronger for it. Having the botox treatment for me not only cured my vaginismus, but it also forced me to face my biggest phobia, which has also given me a freedom I never had before.

Please don’t let this bump in the road get you down…know that you WILL overcome this…your body is just reacting to your recovery! I know the time when I always used to get my worst panic attacks was when I was sat down relaxing!! I could never understand that…but I guess you are probably more relaxed with an issue you were never relaxed with before…and also you now have a bunch of other stressors in your head that you didn’t need to deal with before….will I be good at sex..what if I am crap…what if I don’t like sex…what if I still feel some pain…what if I don’t like it…how many times will he be expecting me to have sex….what if I don’t want to have sex and he does…how do I say no when I have kept him waiting so long…you may not think there is stuff going round your head but I am sure there is as you have opened the door to a world that you didn’t have to deal with before…Hope this helps…

[rachel]

Oh and I will pray for you too!

[Allie]

Thank you SO SO much Rachel. This helps me a lot. I’m taking some meds to help get me through, along with many many prayers. I go back in 2 weeks to my dr to reevaluate and decide if I should keep taking them or not. Still doing awesome with my dilators! That’s what keeps me going! 🙂

[Allie]

Thank you SO SO much Rachel. This helps me a lot. I’m taking some meds to help get me through, along with many many prayers. I go back in 2 weeks to my dr to reevaluate and decide if I should keep taking them or not. Still doing awesome with my dilators! That’s what keeps me going! 🙂

[Nakitalab]

Rachel, thank you for posting and sharing your story. I may not be experiencing the panic attacks but I am definitely thinking, feeling all the stressors that you wrote in your last paragraph. Would you mind sharing with me how you talked yourself out of those negative feelings? Thank you so much. I had my procedure with Allie last week and my mind is already putting those negative ideas into my head.

[Nakitalab]

Allie, I’m praying for you and am here for you 24/7 if you need to talk, cry, shout, whatever you need, I’m here no matter what time of the day or night.

[Dr. Pacik]

I’m so happy Rachel that you weighed in. It is difficult when anxiety rears its ugly face. For those who want to share in Rachel’s devotion to those who still struggle with vaginismus I encourage you to make a comment on [url]YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9fZ0855nzc%5B/url%5D
She has become an amazing advocate for vaginismus women and dedicated this song to them.