Re: Whens a Good Time to Talk to Your Partner?

[Nakitalab]

Hi millkait. Before I was married and diagnosed with Vaginismus I tried having intercourse but couldn’t. I couldn’t insert anything in me including a tampon. I didn’t know what was wrong with me and why I couldn’t. I didn’t have anyone to talk to about it either. For me it was an awful experience as I was treated very badly by a person I was engaged to. He couldn’t understand what was wrong with me and even told a friend who suggested that he get me drunk and when I least expected it to ram his fingers into me and that it would break my hymen and everything would be ok. Well it wasn’t ok. Of course I knew what was coming and when I asked him to stop and I finally relaxed, he jammed me. Which probably made my Vaginismus even worse as I then had a trust issue. Something I’m still working on even though my husband (whom I met a year or so later) and I have been married over 32 years. He broke up with me shortly afterwards and I just knew it was because I couldn’t have intercourse. It hurt me terribly and I went off the deep end. Trying to have sex with any boy that I was dating, which ended up the same way. I couldn’t and I became more and more depressed. Until I met my husband who has been the most patient, loving, kind mind I could possibly meet. Although with him we decided to wait until we were married to try. Which is another story in itself as my honeymoon night is one that I wish I could forget as I was not able to make love to my husband then, not for several years later. My heart goes out to you and my advice would be to be cautious. Boys/men can be very hurtful with words in the heat of the moment, even though they might feel bad and regret it afterwards. Unfortunately for us it is not easy to forget, at least for me it wasn’t. Just writing this brings tears to my eyes remembering those times. My advice is to be careful, go with your gut feeling on when you think is the right time to tell him. But know this, you can be healed and be rid of Vaginismus! There is hope, you aren’t alone and we are all here for you.