By way of introducing myself: I am 64 years old and have secondary vaginismus, post-menopausal. I was happily living alone, quite celibate for the past twenty years, and almost completely celibate for the five years before that. I was sexually active with no problems throughout my twenties and thirties. No problems at all. Almost no sexual activity in my 40’s, but no problems. At age 50, I had one failed attempt at intercourse — encountering the “wall” for the first time. I did not have any romantic / sexual relationships after that, until — surprise, surprise — I fell in love, this past summer, at the age of 63. Thank goodness, an acquaintance of my partner suggested I search the term “vaginismus” and that quickly led me to Dr. Pacik’s practice. Peter and Janet have been extremely supportive, long distance, without me having any possibility of getting to the northeast before Dr. Pacik’s retirement. He and Janet told me what I needed. My Primary care physician was happy to accommodate me; I purchased a set of dilators at the recommended size; watched the DVD, read the book, got more information, and progressed from the smallest of my set (a #4) to 5. Because of Peter and Janet’s encouragement, I do not lose hope, despite being “stuck” at dilator number 5 and unable to have intercourse.
Even with my vulvar atrophy, the new sexuality I experience is beyond anything in my youth. I am fortunate in my partner being utterly open to talking, laughing, and maintaining throughout this difficulty.
I have a question, that perhaps belongs under a different topic (let me know). I wonder if digital penetration and some partial penetration with the penis, may be hindering my progress, by repeatedly creating micro-tearing. Should I leave the vagina alone, except with dilators?
In the meantime, thank you all for being part of this forum. And thanks to Heather for great moderating.