Heather, on day two when Dr. Pacik brought out the speculums I immediately went into panic mode. I hate, hate, hate those things and in fact a couple of years ago I was able to find something on line that is an inflatible speculum which is inserted like a tampon and then is slowly inflated with air. I have been looking for them on-line so that I can share with everyone but unfortunately they don’t make them anymore. Thank goodness I had bought a cse of them. This has been the only way that I have been able to have a pelvic exam. My nurse practitioner is so very patient and understanding. I always lube up with lidocaine before going, then add more lidocaine when I’m in the office and then I’m the one that has to insert the tampon like applicator. It is always a very emotional exam for me, lots of tears and feelings of humiliation. So when I saw the speculums on day 2 I retreated. Dr. Pacik wanted us to touch and feel them and even though I did touch them (with a lot of convincing) alot of negative emotions came up for me. I was very thankful that we did not have to insert one. We did compare the blue dilator with the speculum and was amazed how much bigger the blue was than the speculum but unfortunately I still have an extreme fear of them.