I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing such pain. I have not overcome vaginismus, but I am working hard at it every day. I am sure every woman with this experience has had to deal with many of the issues that you describe. It seems that the sadness you are feeling is probably not best suited for a forum discussion, but individual counseling sessions. Are you able to find a good therapist in your area? Discussing your concerns with a trained professional can really help you with your feelings of isolation and sadness.
Good luck with your journey,