Hi Alyx,
Not sure if any of this will help but I thought I would share in case it does. Since my vaginismsus started 2.5 years ago I realized I was slowly moving further and further away from being intimate because I was trying to avoid penetration and the feeling that I was broken because every time we were intimate even if it didn’t involve penetration, it reminded me that I couldn’t have intercourse. I have recently started to overcome these feelings and it is really helping get the intimacy back which I think will help when we do try intercourse for the first time again. There were a couple of things Dr. Pacik mentioned during counseling that might be helpful in overcoming the mechanical feeling. There are some great vibrators that might help set the mood, I know I personally need clitoral stimulation or it won’t be that enjoyable for me so I use a vibrator to help with that. There are some aids Dr. Pacik recommends on the website. He also talked about practicing sensate touch and gave us a resource – http://www.sexsmartfilms.com. Dr. Pacik could probably do a better job than me explaining what it is but it is supposed to help overcome anxiety and lack of orgasm by practicing touch, it is mostly non-genital touch. I haven’t tried this but it seems interesting.
Thinking of you!