My apologies if I misinterpreted your post. This is the difficulty with written word. No you are not weak and he is not the villain.
The villian is vaginismus. The villian is a physical issue inside our bodies that robs us of that normal healthy marriage.
Nobody should ever have to deal with this, not you and not your husband.
The last thing any of us need is another enemy, another person not understanding.
My hugs to you and I will pray hard that you overcome and that you are able to find peace and happiness for yourself and your marriage. We all deserve that and we all should experience that recovery.
Life is not fair~