Re: How do you tell your boyfriend you have vaginismus?

[Vashalla]

I have a really hard time talking about sex and stuff related to it (in person anyway – online is a different story). I just get really embarrassed trying to talk about it. When I first told my boyfriend, I said something like, “Before we go any further (sexually), I want to let you know that I have something called vaginismus. It’s not a disease or anything; it’s just that my vaginal muscles contract, making it very painful for me to have sex.” That might be my idealized version of what I said, but it was basically to that effect. Because I have a hard time talking about those kinds of subjects in person, I also pointed him toward a website that talked about it and asked him to look at certain pages that were designed to explain the condition to men. That website is now gone, but pointing him toward other websites like this one or vaginismus.com would be a good step. If he’s worth it, he’ll read them and be sensitive about it. Then he can ask more specific questions to help him understand your particular situation better. If he doesn’t, it would be a good idea to ask what his thoughts are or if he has any questions. Always better to know that than to constantly wonder what’s going through his mind. Of course, he may not even know what to think at first. Most men probably haven’t encountered something like this before, so I think it’s a good idea to be sensitive about his emotions as well.

I tell ya, when I have children, they will be well-informed about sex and all its complexities, even if all I can do is give them books about it. That may not prepare them for everything they encounter in life, but hopefully it’ll at least make them more sensitive to those who are struggling with things that others find so basic.