Re: 28 years-old virgin ,said goodbye to dates

[lulu]

Know that you are not alone in this! You are not an alien either. You are normal. It i just that your vagina fights you. I tell people that vaginismus spasms are very much like any other muscle spasm in the body. It is not under a woman’s control and it just unfortunately happens to be in the vagina. Leg muscles, neck muscles, arm muscles…they all spasm with stress sometimes. They are all often painful just like vaginal spasms as well.

I cannot personally relate to being single and not dating. I have been with the same man since we were teenagers. We are married and I had the procedure 8 years into our relationship. I could have exams (although painful) but nothing other than that. He was with me every step of the way and never made me feel bad about it. He and many other men are proof that you can have a relationship with this condition. Yes, sex is important. Yes, most men desire sex. Yes, some men feel they cannot function without it. However, a man who really loves you will realize that this is not your fault and will want, more than anything, to overcome vaginismus with you not only so you can be totally intimate together but so you can have exams for your health, and feel better about yourself overall.

I do understand hiding your vaginismus, though. Until 6 months ago no one but my husband and doctors knew. I felt that I could not tell anyone, but now I know that it was silly to think that way. It has been a part of my healing process telling people. It becomes easier with time to tell people. If your friends are really your friends they will only want to help you, not hurt you or make you feel worse about it. I fully understand how telling people is much easier said than done, though. You need to do it on your own time and only when you feel completely comfortable about it.

Welcome to the forum : )