Hi Oolie Myth – thanks for sharing your story and I’m so sorry to hear about this painful cycle you’ve been trapped in! It sounds very likely that you have vaginismus or a similar vaginal pain disorder, and also that having to stop penetration to deal with your BV is likely making the cycle worse (since your muscles aren’t getting stretched, they likely get extra tight again, which makes penetration excruciating when you are finally ready to try again).
I think a gynecologist is a good next stop (especially if you haven’t been getting formal treatment about BV. A skilled gyno can likely help you narrow down what sort of vaginal pain issue you’re dealing with. Unfortunately not all gynecologists are as familiar with vaginismus as they should be, so if you don’t have a good relationship with yours, it’s worth calling around to ask other gynos if they’ve worked with women dealing with vaginismus before.
Vaginismus and other vaginal pain disorders have a lot of treatment options, so I think it’s definitely worth discussing with a gyno or calling the Maze Clinic at 914-328-3700 for a free 10-minute consultation to discuss your options. Options like dilation or the botox procedure might work great for you, and you should not have to live with constant, persistent pain.
Let us know if other questions come up along the way – I’ve dealt with vaginismus myself and know how hard it is, but it doesn’t have to define your life!