Reply To: Helping out a friend

[Heather]

Hi Juliette!
I do have to say that sex IS a learning process with any partner experienced or not. It takes time to learn your partners body and find what works and what doesn’t. If she just started having penetrative sex after not ever having experienced it, it may be that she isn’t used to having sex. Maybe she isn’t using enough lube, or the position allows too deep of a penetration and it’s hitting her cervix. But as someone who experienced vaginismus, there are a lot of emotions attached to it. Maybe you could just ask her about what you heard. Let her know you didn’t want to hear, you didn’t try to but that you want to make sure she is okay. It might be really comforting to let her know if you’re okay with accompanying her to a doctors visit IF she felt she needed to. Just to let her know you are there and you care. But I wouldn’t bring up vaginismus to her unless she is ready and willing to talk about what you heard. Sometimes unexplainable pain can be scary and it’s best to see a doctor for a diagnosis so there isn’t fear about the what could be’s. I hope this helps!