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Phil, thanks for sharing your experience with this! I’m not surprised to hear some of the comments the male listeners on that radio show made – I think that’s a prevailing philosophy among a lot fo men that I genuinely hope is changing with younger generations who have a broader definition of what sex is.
That muscle tensing when a woman has vaginismus is no joke! A vagina in spasm from vaginismus is something like a clenched fist, and it’s no surprise that it’s immensely painful (if not impossible) for you to get your penis inside given how tight those muscles are! My hope is that sex education keeps improving and that people like you who are adults will keep seeking answers so you and your partners don’t have to suffer. It’s crazy how much we aren’t taught about something that’s a biologically normal activity for most adults!