Does it hurt for men too when they have sex with a partner who has vaginismus?

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Home Forums Vaginismus Support Group Vaginismus for the Men Does it hurt for men too when they have sex with a partner who has vaginismus?

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  • #47858

    This posting:

    actually inspired me to write something about this topic.

    A few years ago, I participated in a radio show on vaginismus. They invited a lady over to the studio to talk about the subject and the producers of the show wanted to hear a male voice too, so that’s how I got involved.

    Listeners could call in and ask questions, and while a sexologists was there to assist us, most questions were directed towards me and the lady in the studio.

    One thing I still remember is how many of the guys were rather offending in what they told and asked. Things like “without penetration there is no sex” and “I could never be with someone that doesn’t want to have sex” were common statements among male listeners.

    One of the more intelligent questions that day came from a young lady who asked me if it hurts men too when they try to have sex with someone who has vaginismus. I can assure you it does. The first time I tried to have sex with my wife I was so excited I tried to push my penis inside, and when it didn’t work, I pushed harder and harder. The vaginal walls are so strong though, they ‘grab’ your foreskin and pull it all the way down as you’re trying to get in. While I was pushing we BOTH were in pain and knew ‘something’ wasn’t right. I was only able to get my glans inside, but my wife’s vagina was so dry and tight my frenulum teared and I started bleeding.

    We had no idea she had vaginismus, so we did it a second, third and fourth time – as many patients probably do cause they think they were too tensed or not wet enough or whatever other reason. No-one wants to think/thinks they have vaginismus from the first attempt they try to have sex. And each time I had to push hard to get inside, and each time I lost a bit of blood cause my frenulum was pulled back too far because of the pressure.

    It’s something you rarely hear about, but yes, men can be in pain too when their partner has vaginismus.


    Phil, thanks for sharing your experience with this! I’m not surprised to hear some of the comments the male listeners on that radio show made – I think that’s a prevailing philosophy among a lot fo men that I genuinely hope is changing with younger generations who have a broader definition of what sex is.

    That muscle tensing when a woman has vaginismus is no joke! A vagina in spasm from vaginismus is something like a clenched fist, and it’s no surprise that it’s immensely painful (if not impossible) for you to get your penis inside given how tight those muscles are! My hope is that sex education keeps improving and that people like you who are adults will keep seeking answers so you and your partners don’t have to suffer. It’s crazy how much we aren’t taught about something that’s a biologically normal activity for most adults!

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