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recessivegenequeenAnna, I really liked your post – here it is for anyone who hasn’t seen it:
bk505022, I think a few things Anna mentions in her post might be useful to you here. I think the first really important thing to note is that it will negatively impact your sex life if your husband has a constant hope and expectation to have intercourse when it hurts for you so much. Like redrose said, it will become really important to discover other kinds of intimacy you both enjoy, but part of that will likely involve explicitly taking penetrative intercourse OFF the table so that you don’t develop an anxious or negative reaction to any kind of touch by your husband. This also enables you to engage him in other tender ways without worrying that he’ll think it means you want to have intercourse. Often in relationships where vaginismus is present, other kinds of intimacy (even hugging, handholding, and kissing) can suffer because the female partner is afraid of sending the “wrong” message. Freeing yourselves from these stresses will help you to rebuild sexual trust.
Are you currently seeking treatment for vaginismus, or is that something you’re interested in? It might help your partner emotionally to now that it’s something you’re working on at your own pace – and of course it could be life-changing for you too.