Sensitive topic: husband with high libido and how to handle that

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  • #44098
    bk505022
    Participant

    Here’s something I’d like to get your opinion on.

    I’ve been married for over a year now. We are very religious and we waited to have sex until we got married.

    We discovered something wasn’t quite right during our wedding night, and a few months later I was diagnosed with vaginismus and started following dilation therapy.

    OK, so how should I put this… My husband has a large sexual appetite and I do get that… I mean, he’s already waiting for a loooong time to have sex with me and now that I’m his wife, I understand he feels the need to look/touch/feel my body and have sex with me. Basically every night ends with him trying to touch me everywhere and being stressed and frustrated and disappointed cause he wants to have sex but he knows it’s not possible. He KNOWS that but still, his hormones seem to take over every time.

    What do you guys do to help your husband/partner out?

    #44174
    redrose
    Participant

    I think this is definitely something most of us have dealt with, so you’re not alone. I think you need to keep on talking about the issues you’ve got to your husband, and find other ways to be intimate.

    #44447
    anna2021
    Participant

    The story I posted a few minutes ago, might offer some answers to your questions…

    #44893
    recessivegenequeen
    Participant

    Anna, I really liked your post – here it is for anyone who hasn’t seen it:

    bk505022, I think a few things Anna mentions in her post might be useful to you here. I think the first really important thing to note is that it will negatively impact your sex life if your husband has a constant hope and expectation to have intercourse when it hurts for you so much. Like redrose said, it will become really important to discover other kinds of intimacy you both enjoy, but part of that will likely involve explicitly taking penetrative intercourse OFF the table so that you don’t develop an anxious or negative reaction to any kind of touch by your husband. This also enables you to engage him in other tender ways without worrying that he’ll think it means you want to have intercourse. Often in relationships where vaginismus is present, other kinds of intimacy (even hugging, handholding, and kissing) can suffer because the female partner is afraid of sending the “wrong” message. Freeing yourselves from these stresses will help you to rebuild sexual trust.

    Are you currently seeking treatment for vaginismus, or is that something you’re interested in? It might help your partner emotionally to now that it’s something you’re working on at your own pace – and of course it could be life-changing for you too.

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