Glad to help, coffeelover12! I highly recommend giving the Maze Clinic a call, they’re such a wonderful group of professionals who are great at sending people in the right direction, regardless of what treatment would work best for them. Another big advantage of calling them that I would recommend is that no matter what you decide to do, on that call you’ll be talking to someone who will take your experiences SERIOUSLY and won’t dismiss them as being “in their head.” For me the first healing step in my journey was this very first conversation because it was the first time a medical professional had really LISTENED to my issues and cared about my pain in more than a cursory way. It’s good to be reminded that there are knowledgeable doctors out there who are working to help women actually solve their problems!
I also think it’s a great idea to talk to your mom just because it is really helpful to have someone else who knows what you’re going through and can support you emotionally. It was awkward to tell my mom at first what I was doing but I was glad to not feel like the weight of that secret was crushing me anymore with her.
This is such a powerful reframing you’ve done around thinking about the problem! I know how you feel – for awhile (especially in the period of time between when I figured out I had vaginismus but before I got treatment for it) I carried a lot of anger and resentment toward the world that this was happening to me and that other people didn’t have to deal with so many hard feelings and physical sufferings, but I eventually got to the same place that you’ve arrived at. In retrospect I recognize how fortunate I was to be alive at such a particular time that this issue is finally being understood and has treatments like the botox procedure available (which has something like a 92% success rate!) Many people with serious medical issues probably DREAM of a possible solution that succeeds 92% of the time, so I’ve found my way to gratitude along the way of my healing. No matter how things have gone before, you have the power TODAY to begin taking steps toward a solution. I think once you find yourself improving you will move even closer to feeling at peace with what has happened. However, you’re also totally right to be mad that you’re having this issue – it isn’t fair at all, and it’s ESPECIALLY unjust that so many women go years without understanding their issue or seeking treatment. By spreading awareness of vaginismus and other sexual pain issues, we can hopefully spare future generations the same prolonged confusion and suffering and make getting treatment easier than ever.
Getting treatment definitely can be time-consuming and uncomfortable and challenging, but it’s also one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself – not only did I get to reclaim the ability to have pain-free sex, I let go of so much shame and found a confidence I’d been missing because I was so caught up in my own sense of being a failure. I would recommend anyone suffering from vaginismus even if they didn’t have a partner for THIS reason – you don’t deserve to feel like you’re less of a woman for having this issue, and you can take that power back.
I hope you’ll let us know how your treatment goes and ask any questions you have along the way – a happier life is out there and I know you’re brave enough to carry it because you have done the first step of asking us for help. Good luck and we are pulling so much for your success!