Hi Leslie – it’s so good to hear back from you! And I’m sorry to hear about how your neighbor initially responded both verbally and textually – that is a bad feeling and it sounds to me like he was lashing out from a hurt/rejected place in the moment. That’s not to excuse his behavior, but people can do really unpleasant things when they feel they’ve been seen too vulnerably. I hate that it hit you in such a hurt place.
Yes, I really think even if it’s too much too soon to try again with this person (which I agree, there are a lot of feelings to sort through even if you communicate more) it would help to get some of these feelings off your chest so they aren’t bouncing around your brain so much. Another way you could think about it is that it’s an opportunity to get practice talking about your body, your desire, and how your vaginismus intersects with those things – learning to speak about your situation could help you communicate to a future partner if things don’t work out with your neighbor, and it will break the bubble you may have been keeping yourself in (which can be a lonely, isolated place).
I know you could explain all this to your neighbor because you’ve explained it so well to us – you have the knowledge and I know you have the bravery because you’ve made it this far! I hope all goes well!