Reply To: Recently single

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi amyct23 – first of all, I’m so glad you’ve been able to make it so far with dilators, and I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with a breakup while undergoing dilation and working so hard on your problem. That never makes it easy, but you are so brave in persisting and wanting to continue your journey on your own!

I think having casual sex is possible while still working out your dilation, but it may require a bit more transparency than is usually the case with hookups. Do you have a male friend or acquaintance you’re comfortable with who you might be interested in having a friends with benefits relationship with? That could make it feel more comfortable to communicate your position (and your interest) while protecting yourself from reactions to your condition. Another option could be to use dating apps and state your intentions clearly in messages before you meet up with someone while also letting them know you’re still figuring out what works for you and exploring sex at your own pace. I have gone the route of trying to have casual flings with people and hide my vaginismus until the last minute and it usually ended in me feeling embarrassed and disempowered – I wish I had opened up about it sooner and found people who were cool to figure it out along the way. There are a lot of openminded and chill people out there and I believe you can explore your desires with them if you so choose!