I am so sorry this is your situation right now. I would love to send you a BIG BIG HUG to encourage you. He has no right to ask you this, this pressure is not good for either you, your relationship, and any child you will have in the future. I want to tell you, that I am 38, with vaginismus, not able to have full intercourse with my husband, and that is why we have no children (yet). But there are other options, apart from intercourse- have you considered IUI (clinical insemination) or ICI (home insemination)? We have just tried the last- using a small, thin syringe, that is inserted to the vagina, even just a few cm (sorry, I’m Europian…). For me, I have a severe vaginismus, and it was a bit uncomfortable, but it was bearable, and much more realistic for me, than full intercourse (which for me is almost impossible). So we are trying this for a few monthes, and than, on the same time, I have time and peace to carry on with my treatment using dilators and therapy.
Speaking of therapy- your last words on your past makes me want to encourage you to go to therapy (couples therapy, or just for you). It will realy help you with this whole process.