I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I really think you should continue this journey. Not for men but for YOU! Vaginismus is terrible to deal with and I completely understand why you feel like less of a woman. You are not, but those negative feelings are exactly why you should continue your treatment. As for your fear, I think you should just take your sweet time with this and be easy and gentle on yourself. There’s no rush! Have you thought of seeking help from a physical therapist? I think that might make you feel safer and more comfortable to dilate. You can do this!!