I’m so so SO sorry to hear about your troubles and struggles with vaginismus and your previous partner :(. I definitely relate to this – before seeking treatment, sex put such a difficult burden on my relationships and I’m sure some relationships ended as a result of it 🙁
However, the right person will be patient and NOT break up with you because of your vaginismus.
I definitely, DEFINITELY think it’s a good idea to continue to go on the journey alone. I don’t know for sure, but I think having a partner during treatment doesn’t really help THAT much – I know you might receive some extra encouragement and more reason to keep going when treatment gets tough, but you can get that from elsewhere like this forum, or opening up to friends/family.
I think vaginismus is becoming slightly more mainstream, so I personally don’t think it should be an embarrassment to talk about it to a close friend or family member. If there’s anyone you feel comfortable talking to about sex, you can mention you have a health condition that has been making sex painful recently, and you are using dilators to make it less painful. You don’t have to admit to anything else besides that. They might not understand, but they may be encouraging and supportive.
Of course, even if you don’t go to friends/family for support, you CAN ABSOLUTELY 100% do this journey alone. There is a whole sub-forum within these forums about that:
Feel free to look through this and find many posts that are similar to your situation!
Good luck and please try to stay positive. It is such a difficult year, but imagine you can have at least one positive accomplishment coming from 2020 – overcoming vaginismus on your own!