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I think opening up to others about this is so brave! Good for you! I hope everyone supports you!
When I was attempting to cure my vaginismus on my own, I ordered a book as well as a dilator kit. When I started dilating I could only get the first 2 in and it was always extremely stressful, painful and scary for me. I got a little of the 3rd in but it was so painful. I don’t remember for how long I tried. I ordered the set in January of 2018 and come November of 2018 I was scheduled for the BOTOX procedure. I think I called Maze after ANOTHER failed attempt at dilating. It is a bit on the pricey side, but I got a loan for it and after my treatment, I’d recommend it to anyone. Worth every penny! I also wasn’t very educated on dilation when I started on my own. I only really got the education from the women at Maze. But then again, Melissa told me that during my procedure, while I was under, I was trying to clamp my legs shut so the doctor couldn’t work on me so they had to administer more anesthesia.

Every woman struggles with a different level of vaginismus. After she told me that I knew I was meant to have that procedure because my vaginismus was relentless.

As for dilating. Knowing what I know now, I’d suggest first using the smallest one and going clock wise- use the tip of the dilator and massage inside your vagina. Get comfortable with this. Or you can even use your finger! Whatever you prefer! Spend serious time on this. Do this for 10 minutes every day for a week. This was suggested to me by a PT I was seeing. Then when you dilate, you’ll want to do it more often than not. Rest days are important, however, for both your mental health and physical health! Don’t rush the process! You don’t want to move up a size until the dilator you’re currently on becomes easy peasy!

After my procedure, I was a little sad to find out I still had to dilate LOL! BUT my body was actually able to do so! So when I would dilate, I would start by inserting the dilator and I’d leave it in for 10 minutes. Then I’d take it out and put it back in and I’d move it in and out for another 10 minutes. Very slowly. Taking my time. Focusing on breathing and relaxing. And when I was done, I’d take it out, put it back in (to desensitize the opening) and I’d leave it in for 30 minutes to an hour while I watched TV. I just really wanted my body to adjust to the size and get comfortable with it.

Also, once you get to a good size, not too small but not penis sized, sleep with it in!