Hi MiraCulix – I’m so sorry to hear about all you’ve been through. I suffered from vaginismus for 10 of those years and believed for much of that time that it was a problem that would fix itself, as people so often told me. But you are right in discovering that this level of pain isn’t normal and doesn’t just “go away” until it’s dealt with.
The good news is that by finding this forum and posting in it, you’ve already taken the first step on the road to finding treatment and a happier life for yourself. The thing that eventually gets women to take the steps to get treatment is that they WANT to make the change and are ready to work for it, and it sounds like you are.
There are a lot of steps you can take next as you begin to explore what kind of treatment options might be right for you. I personally got the botox treatment from Maze (which you can read about here:http://mazewomenshealth.com/painful-sex-vaginal-pain/vaginismus-treatment-under-anesthesia/)
Even though they are in America, I recommend giving Maze a call at 914-328-3700. When I talked to Maze on the phone, it was the first time I had EVER spoken to a medical professional about my sexual pain and been taken seriously or spoken to knowledgeably, and even that act was healing. They can also help talk through some of your other treatment options. There are MANY ways to proceed like a therapist, a pelvic floor physical therapist, dilating on your own, getting the botox procedure, etc. If you want to start trying to dilate on your own, that can be a great first step to see if you’re able to insert a dilator or to get a better sense of how severe the issue is and what option would work best for you.
Please let us know if you have other questions! Treatment IS possible and you don’t have to keep feeling like this forever!