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Helen Leff, LCSW

Hi Vane,
Welcome to the forum – glad you found us. You have already taken the first step to overcoming pain with penetration by having purchased dilators. You said they are not helping much and maybe I can clarify how dilators can be helpful. They are used to “slowly” stretch the muscles inside the vagina. It’s a process whereby you start with the smallest dilator (put a lot of lubrication on it) and keep it inside for 10 minutes. Then at your pace (maybe weekly or after 2 weeks) you insert the next size dilator and work with that one …you do this until you can insert a dilator that is a bit larger (wider) than your husband’s penis. I can’t emphasize enough that this is a process and you will get there. In the meantime continue having pleasurable sex (using hands and mouth is sex!) with your partner.
There’s a great deal of information on the forum and on our website for you to draw on. Please let us know how things are going for you.