The Elephant in the Room

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    Hi ladies. There are several on-line blogs discussing personal stories of struggle with vaginismus. This evening, I read a blog where the writer described vaginismus as the “elephant in the room.” She wrote about living her life with her boyfriend and the dog they just adopted and desperately trying to ignore the elephant in the room that they never talk about – vaginismus. She went on to write about her fear that they would eventually have to confront the subject again. Prior to having the procedure, I definitely remember this being so common in our relationship/marriage. We both would rather do anything in the world than talk about it and it truly was like the “elephant in the room” example. Have any of you also experienced this?

    I wrote the following reply to her blog:

    “Hi there. I read your blog for the first time this evening and was very moved by it. I suffered from primary vaginismus for several years and was finally cured last year. I entirely understand what you describe as “the elephant in the room” – trying to ignore and not ever talk about vaginismus. This was so common for my husband and I to do and we would almost rather do anything than have to confront it. I never gave up, however, and knew that with prayer, we would be able to find a true cure. The years passed and I tried many different treatments – physical therapy, the use of dilators on my own, etc. and nothing worked to cure my fear associated with penetration. Then, seriously through the grace of God, we stumbled across information on using Botox to cure vaginismus. I was a little skeptical as every other treatment had failed in the past but my husband was very supportive and encouraging. We made the call and this changed our lives forever. Within 1 week of receiving the Botox treatment for vaginismus, my husband and I were able to have pain-free intercourse for the first time. Today, we are enjoying a happy and healthy sex-life and have been able to finally celebrate so many firsts in our marriage (i.e. “first time making love entirely pain-free, first valentine’s day/birthdays/vacations etc. to be able to finally enjoy each other in this way). As hard as it was for us to confront “the elephant in the room” and finally talk about it, it truly was the best decision of our lives!!!!”

    It is my sincere hope to be able to help other women who continue to struggle with vaginismus. I think a very good idea for advocacy is to read on-line blogs and make comments. This writer posted in December of 2009 and 2½ years later (April of 2012), wrote of her continued struggles with vaginismus. Through reading this comment, she may be able to find the cure and end her struggles for good. I love the idea of spreading the word and bringing awareness to the condition of vaginismus so much that it will become commonly known and no other women has to suffer in silence. As always ladies, I would love to hear further ideas for advocacy and I look forward to reading all of your posts.


    Hi Heather! Having struggled with vaginismus for numerous years, my hubby and I were too trying to get distracted from talking about the topic until last year, on our anniversary date I decided that we had to do ‘something’ about it after another fail attempt of having intercourse. I could not help it, I was feeling that I had the most amazing man in my life but was unable to make love to him. It was very frustrating and I am sure most of you have been in that place. I still remember, coming across Dr. Pacik’s website and reaching him desperately via e-mail. I remember Dr. Pacik’s calling my number to explain and answer questions about the botox treatment and I remember talking to you as well, I finally felt I had a friend who would understand what I had gone through. The first steps were the most difficult for me, trying to talk about something that was completely a secret but I am so glad I took that step!!! Hubby and I just celebrated our first anniversary without vaginismus! Thank you Dr. Pacik!!

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