Struggle

[Hannah]

Hi everyone,

I haven’t been in this forum for a while now and I regret it! I’m 19 and have been dealing with my vaginismus for the past 3 years. I have been asking for help through the NHS for 2 of these years and have received no help I’m just stuck on waiting lists for psychosexual therapy. I have bought a few sets of dilators but I’m worried as even with persistence I can’t even complete the first one… this has been an issue for me for the longest time now and I just feel so hopeless – i love reading people’s success stories and they make me feel so much better but I really struggle to see past this dark time in my life – if I can’t even insert the first dilator how will I cure this!

I’m in a 3 year relationship still which obviously has been strained due to this but luckily he is very supportive – clearly. It worries me though that I won’t be able to sort this anytime soon and I’ll end up alone in this… just any advice on getting the first dilator in would be great I’m not sure if it’s my anxiety or what but I just can’t get myself to do it…

Thanks! Hannah xx

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi Hannah – welcome back to the forums! I’m so sorry to hear about all the issues you’ve had getting treatment (if you’ve clicked around our forums much I’m sure you’ve seen that we have a lot of people from the UK on here that similarly deal with long delays with treatment through the NHS.

I really empathize with your dilation situation – I was never able to do any dilation on my own because of the severity of my case of vaginismus and eventually had the botox procedure through Maze. The anxiety was too great for me to insert anything on my own, even when I had one of the Maze professionals helping me, and sometimes this is just how vaginismus works. Cases are on a sliding scale of severity and you may just be at the more advanced end of the scale.

A possible next step for you could be to to work as gradually as possible and find the point at which you feel you can’t go any further, partly to help get a better sense of where your case lies. Are you able to put the smallest dilator at the entrance to the vagina? you can work on just resting it there without any attempt at insertion to get used to the idea of something NEAR the entrance. As you work through your feelings, you can even just hold the smallest dilator in your hand and work on becoming more comfortable and relaxed with it over time. Dilation happens at YOUR pace and no one will force you to move any faster than you’re ready to.

I know you’re abroad and that it’s an uncertain time globally right now, but I also recommend giving the Maze Clinic a call. A 10-minute consultation is free and it honestly does a lot for you just to talk to medical experts who will take your pain seriously. Maze also does virtual dilation coaching now so that could be an option as well.

You are not alone and you have options – we know there are treatment options out there for you!