Still in Shock…

[K Howard]

Saturday…September 15, 2012…7:03pm….7:15pm….This date and these two times literally have changed my life! My husband and I were able to achieve pretty much pain free insertion tonight (day 33 post procedure)!!! We are so excited and thankful to Dr. Pacik and the staff for their ever so encouraging words and to each of you here on the forum for all of your support.

We knew that we wanted to try tonight but didn’t have a specific time or anything. I dilated for 2 hours with the #5 glass dilator (while we watched some TV) and then by accident (lol) dilated with the #6 glass dilator for 3 hours. I say by accident because I had only planned on keeping it in for an hour but my husband had started playing video games and I was working away on the laptop and time literally got away from me! When I finally looked at the clock it was about 20 minutes until hitting the 3 hour mark and so I figured why not just finish it out since I’d kept it in for so long already. When I got ready to take the dilator out, I told my husband (half jokingly) to get himself ready (I had to go to the bathroom) so that we could insert him. As I was in the bathroom, I thought that yes, this would probably be the best time for insertion since I had pretty much just taken the dilator out. When I came out of the bathroom I grabbed the bottle of lube and interrupted his video game and told him “here ya go”. He seemed to be taken aback at first – probably because I was initiating things – but then realized I was serious and so we proceeded.

Of course the biggest thing was what position we should use. We ended up in the missionary position with my legs up in the air around his neck. We had a couple of few failed attempts at first but did not give up! In that particular position I didn’t feel as vulnerable as when I was in missionary with my legs/knees open (similar to the position for an exam or something) and leg lock set in. This way my legs were up and out of the way and I was able to insert his penis in the direction that felt most comfortable for me (angling to my left side). The first time or so he seemed to get in to the point right before the “fall in”. The second time he was able to go all of the way inside. I think with the third try we just wanted to be sure that what we thought happened really did lol. So on the last try after he went all the way inside I just began weeping. There were just no words that could explain all of the emotions that I was feeling all at once. I don’t think my husband wanted to get out as we laid there for about 15 minutes – not saying many words; just embracing one another. I joked with him saying – so much for tip only!! After he pulled out, he did masturbate, allowing him to relieve himself. It was such a wonderful experience all around. Even in typing this I’m still in shock by what happened. It all just seems so unreal.

I feel as though I’m missing something in my writing (it just seemed like so many things going on at once or something) and please forgive me if I have but I hope that about covers things. Of course if you have any questions or anything, please let me know. 🙂

Thank you all AGAIN for your support on this journey called vaginismus.