Please help I dont know what to do

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    Hi, I’m nineteen, in college, and last year was the first time I’ve ever tried to have sex. My boyfriend could barely even get in, and when he tried to, it really hurt me. I’d gotten the same response before when trying to put tampons in but I always figured they just weren’t for me, because I’d never heard of vaginismus. Finally I found an article on it when I was trying to figure out what was wrong with me and the symptoms perfectly described what I was feeling. I started trying to do my own exercises, just using my fingers and trying to flex the muscles, and it sort of started to work (I can at least wear tampons now and we can achieve penetration but it still really hurts) but after a while it stopped working and nothing seemed to improve. It’s been a year now and I’m lying to my boyfriend by telling him that I’ve been continuing the exercises because I’m too ashamed to tell him that I’ve stopped doing them because it got too depressing to continue something that wasn’t working. I haven’t told my doctor or anyone else what’s going on because I’m really embarrassed and lost and I’ve never even seen a gynecologist before and I have no clue what I’m doing. All I know is that my boyfriend keeps trying to be proactive and he keeps trying to find ways to help or get me to talk to someone and I don’t even have a good reason not to it’s just that I’m so embarrassed and lost I don’t know how. I really need help but I don’t know how to ask for it. If someone here could give me any sort of advice I’d really appreciate it; I really don’t know what else to do or where to go and I have no one else to talk to. Please, please help.

    Dr. Pacik

    Hi memcna

    I am sorry to hear of your difficulties. Your discovery of vaginismus is typical of what women go through who have this condition. Firstly do NOT be embarrassed. You have a medical condition with likely spasm of the entry muscle, much like an uncontrolled tic of the eye over which we have no control.
    You need to educate yourself by reading the website. I would also suggest reading my book available from in book or Kindle
    If you are able to tolerate some penetration, start off using dilators and use them consistently as described in the book. A DVD on correct dilation can be purchased from[url] Shellie. [/url]
    If you do not make progress I would suggest contacting Maze for further information.
    Let us know how you are doing.


    Hi Memcna,

    I want to further echo Dr. Pacik and say you have nothing to be embarrassed about. You have a medical problem, that can be treated, and you are not alone. You are very brave to be reaching out to seek treatment at 19. I want to commend you on taking your first step toward recovery. I would be happy to speak with your further about vaginismus and treatment options.

    I think starting with a dilation program is a great idea, and you can find several types of dilators on line. Here are a few types:
    Glass dilators: Dr. Pacik mentioned above, also find the dvd.

    Pure Romance: This is the set of dilators used for the botox surgery

    Syracuse Medical: These dilators are a hard plastic, you cannot sleep with these, only do daily exercises, but are a good and inexpensive option.

    Soul Source: they have a wide variety, and you can purchase individually, similar to pure romance, but are expensive.

    You can reach me via phone at 914-328-3700.

    Please give our center a call and I would be happy to speak with you further about dilation, vaginismus and all treatment options.



    Hi memcna. Thank you so much for your post. I completely agree with Dr. P and Melissa and commend you so much on reaching out. You have nothing to be embarrassed about as Dr. P and Melissa said as vaginismus is a medical treatment and one of which can be treated. I so, so understand how you feel as I suffered with it during my 20s and into my early 30s. I was super embarrassed too and did not tell anyone except my then boyfriend / now husband and the few providers we visited. I lied to all of my closest friends and distracted myself with everything and anything b/c having “V” was hard to deal with and go through. And, like you, at the time, I felt lost as well. Please, please know that I am here for you 100% and you will definitely get through this. You have me and the rest of the Forum for excellent support as well as wonderful treatment options. I also agree with Dr. P and Melissa that trying dilators would be a great place to start and, should you need further help, then contacting Maze and either receiving the Botox treatment program or working with them in any possible way would be extremely helpful. I have used both the Pure Romance dilators as well as Dr. Pacik’s glass dilators. Concerning the Pure Romance ones, I love them as they are a soft silicone material, they come in all different colors, and they have handles which makes them easier to insert, remove, and reinsert. I have also used several lubricants with them including a combo of Lidocaine/Surgilube, Pre-Seed, Etc. and have found that they do not dry out and stay coated. I have also used Dr. Pacik’s glass dilators and love these as well. The word “glass” alone sounds so intimidating and I never could’ve imagined using these while I had vaginismus, but once I tried them, and, again, coated them liberally with lubricant, I was able to insert, remove, and reinsert. They also have the important handles and are much shorter in length than the pure romance ones which made them feel more comfortable to walk with and do other things while dilating. I would be happy to share more with you and answer any questions that come up as you try dilating or about anything at all. Please know that I am here for you always!!!

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