My Success Story!
August 20, 2012 at 7:22 am #8613mrsklarParticipant
The first time I heard the word “vaginismus” was when an acquaintance of mine who got married a year before I did told me she had vaginismus and explained what it was. I remember thinking “That would be my worst nightmare!” and also thinking that something like that would never happen to me.
My own journey with vaginismus began on my wedding night. My husband had been dating for 6 years but we had decided to wait to have sex until we got married. On our wedding night, we attempted to have sex, and it was painful and it just seemed that it would not fit. We just assumed that was normal and that it would get easier the more we tried. The problem was that it didn’t get any easier. It seemed like we would hit a wall and that there was no room for him to fit. I was in excruciating pain every time we tried.
I went to my gynecologist right after our honeymoon, and explained the situation to her. She did a medical exam and said I had plenty of room and had no medical problem. She said it just takes time and that I must be anxious and that could be causing the problem. She suggested having a glass of wine and practicing relaxing my PC muscles.
We continued to try with no success. It just simply seemed to not fit. I became very anxious and frustrated when we tried. My husband was extremely patient and sensitive to the situation, but I felt like a failure. I began to avoid the problem, and we stopped trying. We had a sexual relationship, but it did not involve penetration. The issue would eat away at me and I felt a tremendous amount of guilt. I felt like there was something wrong with my body and felt helpless because I had no idea what to do. I researched online and found a website that sold dilators. I bought them but didn’t really know how to use them. I used them occasionally but they didn’t really seem to make a difference. I began to give up hope.
Almost two years after we got married, I came to my breaking point. I was so tired of feeling ashamed of something that should be a beautiful part of my life. I felt desperate to change the situation, but so powerless at the same point. My fight with vaginismus was always in the back of my mind and it really affected my confidence in myself. I began doing more research about vaginismus online. I came across several websites that mentioned Dr. Pacik’s name. I stumbled across his website and read forum posts about women who were going through the same thing as I was! I suddenly felt not so alone and less of a freak! I read about the botox procedure and contacted Dr. Pacik. I figured he was really busy and might not have a chance to get back to right way. I was surprised when I heard from him almost immediately! We discussed several options, and because I live in Australia, we decided to that I should pursue the dilation treatment instead of the botox procedure. Under Dr. Pacik’s instruction, I began dilation regularly. I felt hope rise up in me as I read the success stories on the vaginismus forum. I still felt that it could never be me though; I couldn’t imagine sex not being painful and impossible. I continued dilating regularly which became so much easier when I started using the glass dilators that Dr. Pacik has created. They were so much shorter than the plastic ones I had which meant that I could sleep with them in comfortably.
Four months later, after continual and consistent dilation, my husband and I decided to try to have intercourse. We had not tried at all during the four months because Dr. Pacik had encouraged us to not rush the process. Right before we tried, we decided that we wouldn’t get disappointed if it didn’t work, and that we would take it slow. Incredibly, we tried and it worked! And it was virtually pain-free! I cried because I was so overcome with joy and relief and I will never forget the smile on my husband’s face! We were in shock that it was working, and that it was so easy!
I still can’t believe that I am sitting here writing my success story! I still have to dilate before intercourse to ensure that it is pain-free, but I am so excited that I am on my way to overcoming vaginismus! I am so thankful that I stumbled upon Dr. Pacik and that he believed in me! He was so encouraging and without his instruction, I know that I would be in the same place I was a year ago. He made me feel so at ease and was patient as I went through this journey. Thank you, Dr. Pacik! For everyone who experiencing the same thing that I did, please know that there is hope!August 20, 2012 at 1:49 pm #10201Heather34Moderator
HUGE CONGRATULATIONS on your tremendous success! I am so, so happy for you both!!!
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