Major Burns! – how to stop it

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    I’m wondering if this description will sound familiar to anyone else. I’ve been through several years of training with dilators (or trainers) and am able to have penetrative sex, but never really got to the point where that wasn’t the almost friction burn like sensation, either with dilators or otherwise. It’s almost like the inside walls of my vagina are ‘raw’. It seems strange to me because the muscles are relaxed, so I don’t feel like there should be any reason that this kind of pain is still present. It’s definitely friction that causes it, and I noted in an earlier post that someone mentioned it is worse when a dilator is being removed – can relate.
    Obviously I am using all the lube possible, even when I’m told I don’t need any!! I’m not sure what else to do at this point. Keep on using the dilators? I stopped at number 4 but maybe I should be trying number 5?


    Hi Eggplant – I’m not a doctor, but I could see it being possible that it might help to get a bigger dilator size (especially if your partner’s penis is bigger than the dilator you normally work with). The sensation you’re describing could be the “burning sensation” that is the muscles needing to stretch and being out of practice. But if it’s really been happening for a long time and you feel like your muscles are otherwise relaxed, it might be worth a conversation with a gynecologist about whether something besides vaginismus is causing pain – it could be some kind of allergy to condoms or lube you’re using, for example. You might try different lube/condom brands to see if that helps as well. Definitely worth investigating further though – it shouldn’t continue to hurt once you’ve gotten to a good place on dilating!


    Hi Eggplant – yes, recessivegenequeen is spot on. That “burning” feeling could just mean that you need to keep stretching those muscles. Try moving up to the next size dilator to see if that makes any difference. If not, you should probably check with a provider who can do an exam, or perhaps a vaginal culture to make sure there is not something infectious (BV, yeast, etc ) happening in there. Hopefully that helps!


    Hi Eggplant, I’m going through the same kind of symptoms. Have you checked yourself down there after sex? I have notices some strech-marks kinda cracks in the skin around my vagina. Mostly close to the entrance and the beginning of the entrance itself. My Gyno recommended to use some kind of cream that helps heal the skin and another cream that helps make the skin more strechy-like> I don’t experience any difference but maybe you do… But is this the only problem you are having? Because I also only have this problem and I’m going crazy not knowing what the hell I should do…. It makes me sad because my relationship is really suffering from this thing I don’t want to call a problem but it actually is….


    Hi! YES your description is so familiar to me. I hope my input helps.
    I’m recently diagnosed – within the last year. I didn’t know I had any pelvic floor dysfunction until I got married and tried to have sex with my husband for the first time. I am so blessed that my gyno knew who to refer me to and I got treatment (pelvic floor physical therapy) early on. My diagnoses include vaginismus and vulvodynia. I’m not sure if you’ve heard of vulvodynia, but that’s the rawness and burning sensation. From what I understand, researchers don’t have a good understanding of what causes it, but my physical therapist theorized mine is caused by hormonal imbalance. She prescribed me an estrogen cream that I applied vaginally and on the surrounding tissues. She helped me find the specific parts that tended to be most sensitive, and that’s where I focused on applying the cream. I think she had me use it every day for a week, then tapered down each week until I was using it twice a week.
    I had stopped using it for a few reasons: 1) my insurance stopped covering my treatment, and I don’t know if I feel comfortable continuing using it without my PT’s advice; 2) I hated applying it (application was super painful, as I was smearing it into the spots that hurt the worst!) and 3) I wasn’t sure it was even working. BUT – I will say, since stopping the cream, sex has overall been more painful than when I was using it.
    I was also using dilators – the set of 6 from I started the dilators pretty early on in my treatment; I got up to the 6th one but I never used it consistently. I think I mostly worked with 3-5.
    I relate with your frustration! I feel like I’ve gotten pretty good at relaxing those muscles, but regardless of how relaxed I am there is almost always a stinging sensation. For me, insertion is pretty painful, but once it’s in it feels okay. But with any in/out motion, there is definitely a raw-feeling pain.
    I know besides hormonal changes/imbalance there are several other causes of vulvodynia, and other treatment options. I hope you find something that helps you.

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