Introduction and my 7-year struggle

[Lou84]

Hi everyone,

I’m a 27-year old Australian and have suffered from vaginismus for 7 years. I have an appointment scheduled for September and am beyond relieved. Before I go into a brief history of my experience I wanted to share what led me to finding Dr Pacik and his treatment.

Two weeks ago I went to see my fourth gynaecologist after seeing little progress from physiotherapy or dilation. I am single after ending a 6-year relationship last year and had grown increasingly depressed and anxious about dating, so I explained all this to the doctor so she had a full picture of my situation. My vaginismus is quite severe and I have never been able to have a successful pap smear. Before the examination she explained she’d attempt to use her smallest speculum. This was intimidating but I was willing to try, mostly so I could gauge my progress and pain threshold, to see if it had improved from the physio. She commenced the exam and it was extremely painful; I was clenching tightly and my hips lifted off the table but she continued. It became so bad that tears were streaming down my face, but when I told her it was too painful she said, “almost done”. She then told me she had “completed a pap smear” and had ended up using the larger speculum. I felt really distressed, violated and sore – I was in pain for the rest of the night. Needless to say, this was a horrible experience and one that could easily have pushed any progress I had made right back to square one. I left that office feeling completely hopeless about my situation and in desperate need of help. I went home and did every Google search I could think of to try and find SOMETHING. That’s when I stumbled upon this website and I can’t express my total relief and gratitude for Dr Pacik, his staff and this treatment.

After the breakdown of my relationship I became convinced that this was my ‘lot in life’ and I’d never be able to have a normal relationship or children. What is probably the most painful aspect of vaginismus is the suffering in silence; the isolation, the lack of awareness or understanding; the fear of judgment. Since contacting Dr Pacik I feel for the first time in years that I have a future to look forward to without limitations. I can allow myself to imagine that happiness now; for so long it was too painful to think about. It’s going to take time but I am so excited to start living a full and happy life!

It’s so nice to have people to talk to about this (and not have to explain what it is!)

Lou

[Allie]

Hi Lou!

Thanks so much for sharing! I know EXACTLY what you are going through. It is definitely an amazing feeling to have hope and to know that we are not alone. I know you will do great with your treatment. I go for treatment in November. Keep us posted! Best wishes!!!

Allie:)

[Heather34]

Hi Lou. Welcome to the forum and thank you so, so much for your post. Huge CONGRATS on your upcoming appointment in September and please know we are all here to support you. You wrote “What is probably the most painful aspect of vaginismus is the suffering in silence; the isolation, the lack of awareness or understanding; the fear of judgment.” I felt the exact same way as you for so many years that I lived with vaginismus and truly want to do everything that I can do now to make sure nobody else has to silently suffer. It is so wonderful to have this forum, a wonderful community of support, and women who have gone through the exact same thing that you are going through now and, as you said, caring people who you don’t have to explain the condition of vaginismus too. I previously had primary vaginismus (level 5) for 15 years; had the procedure with Dr. Pacik in 2011; and was cured within 1 week and able to achieve intercourse. This was one of the best decisions that I’ve ever made and the procedure is truly life-changing. Looking forward to reading more of your posts and, again, please know that we’re all here to support you.

[Possum]

Hi Lou, I am also from Australia! All the best with your treatment! You are going to do great! 🙂

[coffee]

I to Have a appointment scheduled in Sept. the 18th, I have suffered with vaginismus for almost 15 years, a level 5, I have never been able to achieve intercourse, with my husband, I too thought my life was over this problem is so draining emotionally and physically. I look forward to the procedure, nervous and anxious at the same time, but ready to have some peace of mind. I am so thankful for this forum as well. Just knowing you are not alone with this problem, helps me to cope to know that other ladies like myself have gone thorough the same thing, and have overcame vaginismus.

[freespirited8484]

Hi girls, i’m an aussie also. Would love to hear how you get on with your treatment overseas! I wish they had something like this over here. I am 28 been in a r/ship for 4 years and never had sex, or been able to insert anything in my vagina. It doesn’t hurt touching the area, its more a fear of penetration, hymen etc(thats why i cant understand how dilators would work) It’s easy to put it off but there comes a time when you start thinking of wanting children and having a sex life with your partner!
Really cant wait to hear how you went Lou84 and Possum xx

[Lou84]

Hi freespirited8484! I’m the same age as you and can completely relate to the pressure/desire to have children etc. All I can tell you is that this is the most amazing thing you could ever think of doing! Dr Pacik and his team are incredibly compassionate, understanding, knowledgeable, gentle and, most importantly, SUCCESSFUL! I went from having “maximum” spasm of the entry muscles, to now sleeping with a purple dilator in every night and dilating with the pink and blue (second-largest and largest) before bed. Considering I was never able to use a tampon this is an amazing feat!

I can also relate to your fear of penetration. I still have that familiar anxiety before I dilate, but now that I’m able to do it without pain it disappears. I spent so much time and money on appointments with physios, gynos and all different kinds of specialists over the years, but my advice is to save all of that and go see Dr Pacik. It’s a long way to travel but you’ll get your hope and confidence back x

[Heather34]

Hi Freespirit. Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. You wrote “it’s more a fear of penetration, hymen etc … that’s why I can’t understand how dilators would work.” This is exactly how I felt prior to my procedure … I was never able to even insert a q-tip w/o excruciating pain/fear response, how would I ever be able to use the dilators. This is such a common fear. What happened, however, is I had the procedure under anesthesia and woke up with the largest blue dilator already in place and inside of me. If you would’ve told me that this was possible pre-procedure, I probably would’ve laughed and never ever believed you as I just couldn’t visualize it working and felt broken. Post-procedure and waking up with this in place, it changed my perspective and for the first time I knew that something was able to be inside of me pain-free. I then gained so much more confidence and practiced inserting and removing the dilators pain-free, again, something I could never visualize pre-procedure and while having struggles with a q-tip. I previously had primary vaginismus (level 5) for 15 years; had the procedure with Dr. Pacik in 2011; and was cured within 1 week and able to achieve intercourse. This was one of the best decisions that I’ve ever made and the procedure is truly life-changing. I can’t wait to read more of your posts.

[Possum]

Hi freespirit. My husband and I leave for the US in a month for my treatment on the 11th! I remember thinking the same as you- I purchased dilators after advice from a gynaecologist almost a year ago but have yet to even take them out of the bag. After reading success after success story on here I know I am going to overcome! I still get a little freaked out about dilators but I keep being reassured that they under anesthetic are key to our success and I know it will be!

[Heather34]

Hi Possum. I KNOW you will do so, so well on your upcoming procedure and it will be truly life-changing in so many ways. It is entirely normal to have some fear of the dilators and I remember feeling the exact same way as you before my own procedure. In a prior thread, I wrote:

Overcoming fear of dilators:
“Hi ladies. In thinking back pre-procedure, one of my greatest fears was whether I would be able to do the dilating. I had ordered dilators from vaginismus.com but was never able to insert them. I had also tried but could not insert tampons. I worked with an excellent sex therapist and expressed these “dilation” concerns and she assured me that I would, in fact, be able to do it. And, I was entirely successful!!! I had never been able to insert anything prior to this procedure. I seriously believe that if I can do it, anyone can do it. And, if you are reading this as a future patient waiting for treatment and just can’t see how you will be able to do the dilating … YOU WILL! This is exactly how I felt and, once you wake up with the dilator already in place, you will even surprise yourself at how you will be able to insert, remove, and re-insert the dilators pain-free. Ladies, what was your greatest surprise with dilation post-procedure? For those patients who were successful using dilators in any form prior to treatment, what was the difference you noticed in using the pure romance and/or glass dilators post-treatment???”
Allie
“Heather, thank you so much for posting this. I was just reading K Howard’s post about her treatment and I’m not gonna lie I was having MAJOR anxiety reading about the dilating. 🙁 I too ordered the dilator set from vaginismus.com and was never successful with them. I am still super nervous but I do feel better after reading your post. :)”
K Howard
“This is a great post Heather…Allie, it is extremely normal to have anxiety/fears regarding the dilators. I know that for my first go around with this procedure I was completely terrified when I received the Pure Romance set in the mail. I thought that there would be NO WAY I was gonna be able to put any of those “things” inside of me. Even with the most recent procedure I was still nervous about the dilation but I tell you the truth, when I woke up this time, the light bulb went off again and I felt like “wow, I can’t believe it is in there and it is a glass one!” You truly will be able to do this and after your procedure, we will all be reading YOUR post about how awesome you did! I cannot truthfully say that it is always easy but the two things that really keep me going is knowing that if I really need to, I can dilate with a smaller dilator and work my way back up (and know that I’m not a failure if I have to do so) and having the support (sometimes overwhelming for me) of my husband. Just know that you will overcome this and we are all here rooting for you!”
My reply:
“Hi Allie. I promise you that you will be able to successfully use the dilators. I know if someone would’ve said this to me pre-procedure, I would’ve been skeptical as I couldn’t insert a q-tip without it causing excruciating pain. How could I insert a dilator? But, I promise you, it DOES WORK! It’s amazing what happens to your body and mind once you actually wake up with a dilator in place. For me, this was a huge “turning point” and drastically changed my way of thinking and feeling about the dilators. I knew that it had successfully worked and thus, would always work and I no longer associated insertion with pain. You will do AMAZING and we are all here to support you!!!”

Similarly here Possum, I KNOW this procedure will work for you and, again, be life changing in so many ways. We are all here for you and I am praying for you and your husband daily!!!

[Possum]

Thanks Heather, I really appreciate your prayers. We leave Australia this coming Saturday for the US. I can’t wait. We’re arriving in Boston on the 8th- can’t believe its coming around so quickly! I woke up this morning and was like… Oh my gosh we’re going to be in America in week’s time! I’ve been so busy preparing, and now it’s only a short time away! I’m feeling really positive about everything- I know I am going to overcome vagnismus! Still pretty nervous of course, but ready! Having this forum has helped so much- there is so much power in knowing you are no longer alone. 🙂

[Nakitalab]

So excited for you Possum! Will be praying for you!

[Heather34]

Hi Possum. It’s almost time now and I just wanted to let you know that I’m thinking of you and praying for you and KNOW that you are going to do so, so well with your procedure coming up next week.