Hi,
I’ve always had an issue and think I may have vaginismus.
I’ve never been able to insert a tampon, have an internal gyno exam, nor have sex. I’m in my 40s.
I am lucky in that my spouse also did not have a lot of sexual history and we met later in life, but he is getting frustrated I can tell. We do have a lot of other stresses which I’m sure don’t help but anything I’ve tried so far has not made any dent. In addition to tightness/can’t penetrate and prickly/sharp/burning pain down there I also start crying even if I’m fully present and trying to go forward with whatever. Even thinking about the subject can make me cry which is super frustrating. I have a sort of rando sex drive (don’t think about it most of the time) but sometimes with him I can go like 0 to 60 but then it doesn’t happen.
Things I’ve tried:
Normal (CBT) therapy
Meditations
Pelvic floor PT
Sex therapist
Online, self-administered EMDR
The sex therapist I saw for ~10 sessions over a few months. She agrees with my suspicion I was molested as an infant. This is based on a story from my mom one time when she was buzzed plus her actions after the event (pulling me from that babysitter and staying out of the workforce for a year or so until they found a better one), and refused to ever talk about again. She also said that my husband needed to come with in future sessions and he refused at the time. He was dealing with a weed issue and says he doesn’t remember. I’ve had mixed messages from him on it on how much he wants to help. He tried a little bit with some manual exercises and he said he feels traumatized since I’m crying and/or in pain and he didn’t want to do more. I was never able to get my finger or a dilator in; he got his finger in a tiny bit once. We are talking about trying again lately though again he is afraid of hurting me. IDK I’m kind of assuming it will hurt and am whatever about it, but the sex therapist advised against just “busting through”. He also has anxiety and ED which doesn’t help, tho the pill works v well for him.
IDK what I should be doing at this point. I’m even considering the use of various “substances” but I really don’t feel like that’s the best idea long term or if that even really solves anything.
OK would love any thoughts.
