How hard should I try?

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Home Forums Vaginismus Support Group Vaginismus General How hard should I try?

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    Hi there people from the Maze clinic. My name is Maine and I’m 17. I’ve started having sex with my boyfriend a few weeks ago, but when he tries to enter me it hurts. I’ve been to our family doctor and told her about our issue. I trust her. She did an internal exam and told me my hymen is still intact and that my BF probably has to “push harder” to get through. In the mean time I’ve done some research about painful sex on the internet and that’s how I ended up on this website. Is it possible I don’t have vaginismus but that my hymen is indeed hard to push through, and that my BF needs to do more effort to break it? Or is my doc giving me the wrong advice? Does it indeed require some force to get through the hymen the first time?


    Hi Maine,

    This is a great question! For some women, their hymen can be thicker or tougher to break through. So if your gynecologist noted that your hymen is still intact, that for sure could be a barrier for easier penetration. I’d recommend that rather than just have your boyfriend force his way through , that you purchase a set of dilators and some topical lidocaine. You can slowly work your way through the dilators, and when you get to the larger sizes, where the hymen would most likely tear, you can do it with less pain, using the numbing of the lidocaine and the dilators.

    You can also have a procedure to remove or snip the hymen if your gynecologist would be open to that.

    But I’d start with dilators. Having your boyfriend just force himself inside you harder, would cause even more pain and I never think that’s a good option.


    Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. I think you’d be interested to know we did try to have sex again the evening of my posting, and this time he pushed a little harder and I literally felt my hymen tearing while he was doing that. We had sex a couple of times in the mean while and the pain is gone now. So this seems to confirm some hymens can be a little tougher to break. I my case dilators weren’t necessary. Perhaps this information can be useful for your readers.


    Wow! Amazing followup, Maine! I’m so glad to hear the pain has gone away. I hope you continue to have a wonderful sex life, and thanks so much for sharing your experience with us. I’m sure lots of other women have had or will have similar experiences and that your experience will be a comfort to them!

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