Help before treatment?

[Stevie]

Hey guys –
After almost ten years struggling with vaginismus, I finally opened up to my family and they were super supportive. I posted earlier about feeling a bit lonely having this condition, and having been rejected by someone I really liked because I had it. A few months later, I have found myself in the best romantic relationship I’ve ever had, with someone who fully accepts me and supports me – with or without vaginismus.

This Summer I will be going in to have the vaginal botox, and I’m more nervous and afraid than anything else. For those of you who have had it – were you nervous? I feel a bit odd about having someone work on my vagina while I’m unconscious, and I’m petrified that I will panic and break down and feel violated waking up with something inside me. I’ve never had anything inside me. I’ll be happy when my muscles can’t contract to cause pain, but what about the psychological aspect? I’m afraid the mental block will keep me from any type of insertion even if I have the procedure.

Also – can you have the procedure while on your period?

How hard was dilation after the procedure, and how long does it take to achieve intercourse? Is it possible to ask the doctors for anti-anxiety medication? I live abroad and they don’t really prescribe that here. How did you deal with the anxiety that comes with dilation and insertion, and does anyone have any other general tips?

Thank you so so so much. This forum has been vital for me finding treatment and rediscovering my confidence and self-worth as a woman. Wishing you all the absolute best – because there is so much hope and so many ways to treat this – this coming from someone who felt like giving up on life and love because of this condition. It’s so easy to feel isolated and scared and hopeless, to lose confidence in who you are and in your personal relationships when struggling with any vaginal condition – but things DO get better and it is absolutely possible to find love and to have healthy sexual and romantic relationships while addressing and existing with vaginismus.

Lots of love,
Stevie

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi Stevie! Glad to hear from you, and really glad to hear too that you have such a supportive partner by your side. It can really help you to reach your goals and feel motivated to keep going.

I had the vaginal botox treatment in September of 2016 and, like you, I was super nervous. I think I was most afraid that the procedure wouldn’t work – I was weirdly unconcerned about the actual practicalities of the process because I had read so much about it and innately trusted what I had heard so many other patients rave about.

Your worries are understandable, but as someone who’s done it I’m happy to report that you shouldn’t have problems with what you’re worried about. I can’t know everyone’s experience of course, but I found the experience to be a huge relief. You’ll be fully anesthetized and won’t feel a thing, and when I woke up with a dilator inside me it was revelatory, not violating. It makes all the difference that you know what will happen and are giving your consent. Maze also works really well with people to make sure they’re comfortable inserting a dilator before leaving the clinic, so don’t worry about that part – even if you can’t do it yet, they’re going to teach you.

I had a real mental block about insertion before the procedure too, but waking up with the dilator inside me really did break through that wall. Seeing and feeling that my body was ABLE to be penetrated made all the difference – seeing that it was possible made me realize that I could do it too, especially given enough time. You’d be surprised how much it shifts your thinking.

For me, after the procedure dilation was hard only in the sense that it felt like a lot of WORK. It took persistence, focus, commitment, and organization to dilate every day, but more than anything I just had to stick to it and have patience with myself. It definitely took some time to get used to the sensations, and there were times it was definitely uncomfortable, but it mostly just felt like a chore I had to do to get to an end.

I was able to have intercourse for the first time 20 days after my procedure, which was crazy to me. It took another couple of months of dilating and adjusting to sex before it felt totally normal, but i started enjoying it way sooner than I had expected to.

I’m not sure about anxiety medication or whether you can do the procedure on your period – I’ll let the doctors chime in on those questions. BUT, I will say I was a lot less anxious in general than I expected to be. Like I said, the doctors are good about showing you that you can do it so you feel more confident getting started.

One tip I have about dilating is just to make sure your mood and environment are right when doing it. I’ve heard a lot of women say they do things to relax themselves like take a bath, light a candle, or whatever else they need to unwind. I found it helpful to just have something I did while dilating (since you have to leave the dilator in for several minutes), whether that was watching a favorite show or reading a book or whatever most helped me pass the time.

Good luck with your procedure and keep us updated on how it goes! It sounds like you’ve already come so far with your thinking and your self-worth, which trust me, is the hardest part of the battle anyway. You’re going to do so well!