Difficulty Dilating

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    Hello Everyone,
    I am from Pakistan and I have vaginismus for the last two years. First of all, a big thanks to all those who have created this forum and help people like me with their kind words. So I have had vaginismus for the last two years. At first, I did not know what was happening to me. It was like my husband was hitting a wall when he tried to penetrate me. I went to many doctors. Most of who did not even know about this condition. I searched the internet and realized that I have vaginismus most probably. Since there was no doctor who could guide me or tell me what was wrong with me, I went into denial and thoughts that I have no problem. But as time went by I realized that I have to treat it or else my marriage won’t survive. Therefore, I decided to use dilators on my own. Dilators are not available in Pakistan. The only way to buy them is to import them and that is very expensive. So this led me to finding dilator-like objects and using them for this purpose. I have used three sizes up till now. The last size is of 4 inch circumference. I have been trying inserting it for the last 3 days but it is highly uncomfortable. It does not go in through the spasm muscles but I am persevering with it. InshaAllah I will be able to get through this. I have also purchased lidocaine HCL 2% to help with the pain with the last dilator but I don’t know how to apply it or how much quantity to apply it. Can anyone guide me about this? Also how much time is required for it to numb the place of application?

    Moreover, whenever I try inserting the 3rd size and the fourth one, the entry muscles always resist at first. I have to do some kegels or wait or breathe deeply in order to relax them. Will these muscles always be so resisting or will they get better over time?

    Any motivational words will be highly appreciated because I am very uncomfortable with the last dilator. Sometimes, I even have this fear that it would never go in no matter how much I try.

    Lastly, good luck to everyone who is dealing with this condition. InshaAllah we will overcome this one day! Just keep persevering and treat yourself. Do not stay in denial!

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