Day 8 – First meltdown

[Firenze13]

So I officially had (am still having) my first meltdown post-procedure. In my last post, I wrote about how I was having trouble with the blue dilator (#6) and now I’m having more and more problems with pink, #5. Up until a few days ago, I had no problems at all with it. Last night, after dilating with purple, I put pink in, but it was the most uncomfortable it had been until this point. I was only able to keep it in for about 30 min.

I slept with purple overnight with no pain or problems and dilated with it for about an hour this evening (again no pain) before trying pink. It took 30 minutes for me even to get pink in! The longest until today, has been about 5 minutes to insert. Once I got it all the way in, it was so uncomfortable, I had to take it out after a few minutes. The weird part is that it didn’t really hurt at all (just resistance) until I got it in that last bit.

I know there will be bad days, but I really thought it would be getting easier and easier to use pink, not more difficult by the day. I’ve been upset ever since I took it out. Will backing down for more than a day help? I’m not sure what to do. If anyone else has experienced this, please let me know what worked for you.

[Heather34]

Hi Firenze. I am here for you and can assure you that things WILL get better with the dilating. In the first weeks post-procedure, I had the same thing happen and it truly was like a roller coaster. One day, I had no resistance and complete success with inserting the different sized dilators. On the very next day, I would notice a little resistance and discomfort and I would always back down 1 size. For example, if I felt discomfort with blue or pink, I would back down to pink or purple (pure romance). And, then on the very next day, I had no problems (again, the roller coaster). Ellen was EXTREMELY helpful in this area as well.

I also want to share with you words of advice from Dr. Pacik, himself, in a post on 7/31/12:
“Post procedure dilation is a “roller coaster” ride during the first 1-2 weeks after treatment. The muscles are still tight and “talking back” as they are being stretched. Since most women feel they will be the one person for whom Botox does not work, any difficulty with dilation immediately verifies these feelings. Then the muscles loosen up as the Botox is taking effect and the week or two of dilation is starting to be noticeable with less pain and therefore less anxiety.”
I am here for you always!!!

[kaylee]

Hi Ferenzie,

I’m sorry your having such bad day with ur dilation. I wish I could help you but im still pre procedure. Im sure the other girls are going to give you great advice and tips. I read your day 3 update post and your already doing great. Hang in there I know ur going to get over this hump just like all the other women have. I’ve scheduled my procedure for March so I hope to be getting your advice by then and all the different things that helped you :). Thank you for posting, it helps me so,so much and gives me hope :). Cant wait to see your next update and im sure will be a positive one.

[Firenze13]

Thanks Heather and Kaylee for your support! It definitely is a rollercoaster. I’m hoping tomorrow will be better. I have to remind myself that I’ve still made a lot of progress in the past week. Congrats Kaylee on scheduling your procedure! You definitely made the right decision.

[Nakitalab]

Hi Firenze, I’m so sorry you have had a hard time dilating today. Try not to be so hard on yourself though, ok? I know it is easier said than done as I have had challenging dilating days as well and it is so easy to let those negative thoughts in. You are doing so great. Try to remember back to day one when you woke up with blue in and what an amazing feeling it was and that it is possible. It might not work today but it might tomorrow. It is so important to keep dilating no matter what size the dilator is. Our bodies are learning to stretch with the dilators and we are going to have challenging days. I’m 80 something post procedure days and I have challenging days every once in awhile. In fact I had one earlier this week. They key for me is to try and push those negative thoughts out and continue dilating. It is ok if it takes a long time to insert pink. When I had a hard time with blue I would dial down to pink and if I had a hard time with pink I would dial down to purple. Try not to compare yourself to others as we are all different and have a different story. Please don’t feel bad about yourself or give up hope. I promise it will be easier as time goes on. We just have to teach both our minds and our bodies that we can insert the different size dilators. I also found that I needed to experiment on the most comfortable position to be in when I dilated (i.e. standing, laying on the bed). I found that laying in bed watching tv was the easiest for me. It helps me to be distracted. Also I found that sometimes it is more difficult to dilate if I have had a stressful day. I want you to know that I’m here for you. You are not alone. Sending you a virtual hug!