Controversial or normal?

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    I know from other forums that some therapists recommend being physically excited during the dilation process. Some find this a controversial idea, others seem to agree dilation is actually easier when you’re sexually excited.

    What’s your viewpoint on this? Does clitoral stimulation helps you to relax? I’ve also read an orgam has to be avoided since this makes the vaginal walls contract/shrink and dilation after an orgasm gets harder. Is this correct?


    Hi coldasice,

    I can only speak from my own personal experience and the info I got from my therapist, but most vaginismus patients (not all of them) have some issues with sex in general, which could mean they either don’t masturbate, can’t have an orgasm, and/or never explored their vulva and vagina before.

    During my second or third session this subject came up and my therapist told me dilation is much easier when you’re aroused, since you tend to be more relaxed, there is more wetness and the vagina opens up slightly. She never told me it was a deal breaker, but she did give me the advice to try it out.

    As a student I masturbated once in a while and I knew how to get clitoral orgasms, so I looked up my favorite book again in the library and read some of my ‘favorite’ (you know what I mean) paragraphs before starting with the exercises. I’m sure that did help.

    As you already wrote, an orgasm does the opposite: you get dryer, the vaginal walls contract and the vaginal opening gets smaller again. All those things are to be avoided when you’re dilating, so make sure you’re aroused, but not to the point an orgasm is imminent. That still counts these days when I’m having sex with my husband. He needs to come first. I’m not sure if this is something other patients recognize, but after my orgasm, penetration is A LOT harder.


    Hi coldasice – what rabbit said is true of my experience as well. You don’t HAVE to be aroused, especially if it’s going to put more emotional pressure on you to have to do that, but it certainly DOES help for all the reasons you’ve listed. I think whether it helps an individual depends a lot on their background with masturbation and being able to get aroused in general. Some women with vaginismus still have orgasms, can masturbate, etc. and for them I think it would definitely help. But if you’re having issues with arousal in general, it’s best not to layer multiple problems on top of yourself at once if you’re still working on dilating.

    Also, there is a misconception I occasionally see around the internet that dilating ITSELF should be arousing – NOT true. For most of us it’s effortful and feels more like exercising or doing a chore. But being aroused can definitely help it feel less like one!


    I agree with recessivegenequeen, it’s not a necessary element during dilation exercises, but it DOES help.

    My therapist learned me that when you’re excited, your body prepares itself to accommodate a penis, so masturbation before/during dilation WILL actually help if you’re able to do that! She did prohibit me from getting orgasms though, so getting sexually excited was okay, but that’s where it should end. As a previous poster wrote, an orgasm does the opposite and makes your vagina contract, renders the opening smaller and more difficult to penetrate. So that’s definitely not a good idea during dilation.

    I have heard there are also therapists who integrate masturbation into their treatment plan, together with Tantra, breathing exercises and relaxation techniques.

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