A sex worker with vaginismus

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    I received the botox treatment a few years ago and have been able to dilate using the biggest dilator. So when it comes to dilating I have no problem. However, when I’m with a client I can’t seem to have his penis inserted in. I use lube but it doesn’t seem like his penis is going in as far as it can. When I dilate I have it in as far as it can go which is pretty much where the base is. So if I can dilate then I should be able to take a penis, right?

    I was on top once and that felt uncomfortable and I tried doggy style and that was even more uncomfortable. Whenever I dilate, I’m on my back so that’s the position I’m used to. I’ve thought about dilating in different positions but I really don’t want to. I dilate sporadically, usually a day or so before a session. So maybe I should be doing it more than that? I received instructions saying something like, right before you have sex to dilate but that can be difficult for me due to my situation. I can’t really dilate when I go to see a client right before we start.

    The guys usually don’t say anything to me but I can tell that it’s odd for them and they’re struggling to get inside. Sometimes they hunch over me to get in. I still get that wall sensation. I try to make sure that I’m relaxed and my legs aren’t tight but to no avail. One guy did ask me if it’s a “defense mechanism”. I was taken aback and a little embarrassed. But maybe he’s right. When I dilate I have control of it. It’s in my hand and I move it in and out trying to mimic sex. But when it’s an actual penis attached to someone, I close off. Maybe something is there. I really would like to overcome this because it’s affecting my business and also I just want to enjoy sex in general.


    Hi LLbeano – thanks so much for commenting and sharing your story! It is definitely very normal for people who struggle with vaginismus to have some issues making the transition from dilators to a penis for a lot of the reasons you mentioned – you’re often in less control than when you’re using the dilator yourself and you’re not in the same position you normally dilate in, all of which makes for different sensations.

    There are a few things you can try to make this transition easier while you’re still getting used to sex. Dilating causes the best results when you’re consistent with it, so while you’re making the transition, if at all possible it would probably help if you were able to dilate every single day. It can be for as little as 5 or 10 minutes, but just that little bit will still help and make a big difference in getting your body more used to penetration. It makes sense why you can’t dilate RIGHT before intercourse, but it would probably help if you could do it even a couple or a few hours before you planned to have a session – I think you’d see better results than doing it the day before if you’re able to make it work. Finally, if you have a friend/friend with benefits/partner with a penis that you were comfortable having sex with, you could try penetration with someone you’re more familiar with to get comfortable and take the pressure off yourself.

    I hope this helps! Let us know how it all goes for you!

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