25 years old, looking for support

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    Hi all, I am 25 years old and believe i have Vaginismus. I have not sought medical advice as of yet as i have so many other things going in physically and mentally i feel so bogged down by it all.

    I am still a virgin and this probably has and is causing me great sadness and stress. I have never been able to insert anything into my vagina and feel completely alien. I have tried lots of methods but seem to hit a wall. My muscles down there seem very tense constantly and even my labia minora seem to not want to separate, when they do it’s pretty much impossible to get anything inside there. When i try it just feels extremely tight, and as if there is no where for me to ‘go’ the odd time i have thought i have found the ‘right place’ i am met with obstacles that when i press against i get pain, mostly a burning/stretching feeling.

    I have had anxiety for many years and would say i’ve been through more than a fair share of stress, i don’t deal with stress well which has lead me to have so many medical problems.
    I have been with my partner for 5 years and have been unable to have intercourse. It saddens me so much as i want it more than anything, and i want a family. He is very supportive.

    Can anyone tell me if what i have sounds like Vaginismus, and what are the first steps i should be taking? I am at a loss

    Thank you so much in advance for reading this, i am hoping the support will benefit me in this struggle,


    Hi Sammy! Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. I am so, so sorry for what you have gone through. From what you describe (i.e. wall of resistance along with burning/pain feeling), although I don’t have any medical training, sounds like the symptoms of vaginismus. I had vaginismus all during my 20s and understand what you are going through and am here for you. While going through it, I only told my then boyfriend (now husband) and the few doctors we visited and it was very hard at the time keeping this solely to ourselves. Please know that you have my support 100% along with the support of the Forum. As for tips on the first step, I would definitely consider contacting Maze Women’s Sexual Health and working with them in any way possible. They offer so many different treatment plans for vaginismus and, so very importantly to all of us, thoroughly understand the condition and what one goes through with it.
    I secondly wanted to share information with you on working with vaginal dilators. During my 20s, I tried to use the dilators from vag.com along with a workbook and could never make it past the step of being able to insert a q-tip or the smallest sized tampon which did not work d/t burning pain. Post-procedure, I was able to insert dilators for the first time ever and then my husband and also have exams, all things that I never ever ever thought would be possible. I’ve used both the Pure Romance dilator set as well as the Pacik Glass ones and like them both. The Pure Romance ones are great because they’re a softer silicone material and have handles which makes them easier to insert and remove. They also have many, many different sizes. I also really like the Pacik Glass ones because they, too, have the handles and they are shorter in length so you don’t feel them as much and can do other things with them in. In a prior post, Melissa at Maze, posted the following regarding dilation:
    “[Y]ou can find several types of dilators on line. Here are a few types:
    Glass dilators from Dr. Pacik along with DVD:
    Pure Romance: This is the set of dilators used for the botox surgery
    Syracuse Medical: These dilators are a hard plastic, you cannot sleep with these, only do daily exercises, but are a good and inexpensive option.
    Soul Source: they have a wide variety, and you can purchase individually, similar to pure romance, but are expensive.
    You can reach me via phone at 914-328-3700.
    Please give our center a call and I would be happy to speak with you further about dilation, vaginismus and all treatment options.
    Please again know that I am here for you 100%!!! :):):):)


    Hi Sammy,

    i must say that you are very lucky that you got on this forum to discuss your issue.
    i am in my 30s and never knew that there was someone else in the world with the same issue of vaginismus and i felt too alien.
    although i am at dilation stage and not fully successful yet but whatever i progressed i learnt from this platform, so good luck to you , you are not alone.



    Hi Sammy,

    It definitely sounds like vaginismus. You can try a home dilation program using the Pure Romance dilator set if you can get it. I find the pure romance dilators are easier to use than the vaginismus.com set.

    You can also consider finding a pelvic floor physical therapist in your area to help you with the dilation.

    Anxiety management is also very important. If your anxiety is not being treated properly, it will make treating the vaginismus more difficult.

    If you have any interest in learning more about the Botox procedure, please do not hesitate to give me a call or email to discuss it further.


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