Hi Lora! Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. I am so sorry for what you are currently going through. I have some thoughts that may help.
Vaginismus.com has an absolutely excellent script that is very helpful as a means of talking to your physician about vaginismus:
Sample Script: Self-Guided History of Sexual Pain
1. Introduce the problem:
“I have been having problems with pain during sex and hope you will be able to help me.”
2.Provide a description of the pain (be specific):
•It happens when …”my husband tries insert his penis in my vagina” or “once he is inside and starts to move I feel burning and tighten up”, etc.
•The pain is located …”at the entrance to my vagina. My vagina is like a wall; he just cannot get it in.” or “after he is inside I feel burning around the penis just inside the entrance”, etc.
•The pain lasts …”as long as he keeps trying, especially if we try forcing it in. Once he stops there is no pain.”
•This has been happening since …”our honeymoon two years ago and has continued to happen every time we try to have sex” (primary vaginismus) or “my hysterectomy eight months ago”(secondary vaginismus), etc. [Note: Inform your doctor if you have been able to previously have sexual intercourse without pain.]
•It feels like …”burning”, “stinging”, “like he’s hitting a wall”, “tightness during/on entry”, etc.
•I have tried to reduce or eliminate the pain by …”using lubricant, changing sexual positions, relaxing more.”
•I am able / unable to …”insert a tampon or complete a gynecological exam.”
3.Mention any past problems:
Have you previously had any sexually transmitted diseases, yeast infections, bladder problems, or any pelvic pain outside of penetration?
4.State what you think the problem is:
“I think it may be vaginismus. My symptoms are similar to those outlined in an article I read. However, I have read there are other things that can cause pain during sex and would like to have them ruled out.”
An idea would be calling a doctor’s office prior to going to see one.
In an excellent post, Vashalla recently wrote “One thing I did when I was looking around is calling the office and asking to speak with a nurse. When I got the nurse, I explained my situation and asked if the doctor knew what vaginismus was, and if she’d had any experience with it. It’s hard to talk about, especially to a complete stranger who may just think you’re crazy, but I much preferred doing that to having to make appointment after appointment trying to find a good doctor. I just don’t have the time or the money to bounce from one doctor to the next.”
Should you not want to visit a doctor yet, another idea would be to try working with vaginal dilators. I have used the Pure Romance set along with Pacik glass ones and have thoughts and tips that I could share with you on both.
Ok, please know that I am here for you and send my support 100%! Sending you big hugs today!