Home › Forums › Vaginismus Support Group › Vaginismus General › Vaginismus getting worse, likely birth control related. › Re: Vaginismus getting worse, likely birth control related.
mandykinsHi Mandykins. I’m so glad things are going so good for you now. This is all excellent advice!!! I especially like what you said about doing deeper thrusting instead of pulling out too much. This could be so useful for the ladies who are newly transitioning to intercourse. How are things going with your BF? How was Christmas and your bday? Sending you big hugs today!!!
They weerrreeee good for me. For one and a half sessions of sex. Then I ruined everything by being a pushover. Don’t be me. I went without lube when i wasnt ready. Oh well.
Still good suggestions, I’m just on a new level of screwed because I did stuff I wasn’t ready to do (trying without lube upon suggestion. bad).
Deeper is defintiely always better. since the opening in mild cases is the biggest problem, if there’s barely any friction it ends better. Before I messed up, I’d hold him inside me as much as possible so even if he was trying to thrust he wasnt accidentally pulling out too much. I’m not in terrible pain on the inside because I’ve never had that much of an issue deeper inside. outside, I’ve had A TON of issues. lol plus every time you pull out, you’re exposing the condom or dick to the outside world/air and potentially drying it out more.
Things with my bf are strained. Hes fine, hes supportive and trying to understand. But from my perspective, we’re in trouble. Until I can successfully move on with my life and have a happy sex life with him again, I’ll be upset, and he’ll continue to be a source of disappointment for me. It’s terrible, but associations are a bitch.
Christmas, I got two shirts that were too small for me because I’ve apparently lost muscle and gained fat. I wear a size bigger now. Christmas was okay, but the gifts depress me. Lol My birthday, was awkward as fuh-because im an introvert and not used to formal environments. He took me to a really fancy fondue? place. Where you dip stuff in cheese or chocolate. I was horribly uncomfortable because the waitress was talking too softly and i had nothing happy to talk about when she asked about how my birthday was going and im not the type to lie, so i told her I got kicked out and moved in with my bf in the same day. Tmi, as my bf said later, but Thats just how I am. And yes, my dad kicked me out, and within 2 hours my bf asked me to move in. Instead of it being romantic, I got myself shitfaced and hysterical because I thought it would be too much pressure on our relationship if he wasn’t ready for me to move in. That within 2 hours was when he got a break from work, instead of asking me to move in at dinner like he planned, he asked me over a text. And I was in so much disbelief I still couldnt calm down. Thats where the alcohol came in, and that was birthday present part two, hidden in the closet. I appreciated him so bad at that point, but I was definitely not cool with the situation because it was supposed to be a really romantic invitation at dinner, and my dad ruined it by getting HIMSELF shitfaced and messaging me both insulting and depressed things until he finally suggested me moving out. He panicked I spent too much time at my bf’s house, and his passive aggressive attempt to get me to come back home backfired.
Things are no different now that I live with my bf, other than I dont have to go home to my dad and awkwardly avoid talking to him when i get food from the kitchen ,and now I feel guilty that my anxiety has gotten so bad I havent been able to job search and contribute to rent. Hes so supportive however, hes practically an enabler, and hes letting me spend my days playing video games or watching netflix, instead of facing the stressors that make me hysterical. (driving terrifies me since totaling a car, and I had general anxiety to begin with. )
So yes… things WERE good. Now theyre complicated. He’s happy, but I’m not. And its nothing against him really. I just cant be happy when I feel like a prisoner to my own genitalia.. that and my own mental illness.